2007 coming to an end

Right now I'm listening to Mr. Marley and very relaxed it's 8:28 and soon I will get dad's breakfast ready. Well I've had to rethink my self, my actions, most of all my thoughts that I have been unsure of this year. The holiday's really did me in this year a little worse than last so that is mostly the reason for the last sentence. I've noticed I am more sure of myself which is a welcome surprise to my second guessing self. Being sick really stinks, I can't just take 5 days off and let my husband take care of me which he really does so well. He get's mad when I'm sick because he doesn't know what to do and then he worries too much. Things that have happened this year:
Dad got put on Namenda and Aresept the first one works differently not sure how but the second made the difference that I could do this for a little while more (big time) instead of playing with his feces daily he is more there! Procrit shots when his blood work falls below 10-11 ish usually a series of weekly shots for 5-6 wks $90.00 copay (20%) labs coexist with that.
Mom- what can I say it has been a very tough year for her. It's sad because she was so darn in love with my dad before and she can't see through this disease that is eating dad's brain. Each day she gets jealous of all of dads attention, she does want to get out everyday which is good at least she's not depressed.
Me- I am taking better care of me, before I came down with this virus crap a wk and a half ago I was jogging/walking 2 plus some miles every other day, so now I wait till this cough goes away and eat the best I can. Off we go!
blah, blah blah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

About "Me"

Not much to say except for the thing that I stopped riding the stationary bike for awhile and started jogging for the first time in my life. I used to hate jogging but I find it's like a little ego push that gets me going and gets me to finish. I made it past the extreme soreness in my legs (front and back of calves) and now I deal only with the shortness of breath and the dead legs from time to time. I can do 2 miles jogging most of the way and walking when I need to catch my breath so I feel some accomplishment there. I am trying to eat a little better also and drink more water.
Got to babysit my 2 and 3/4 year old Angelina Thurs-Sat and boy I could run a marathon and have more energy left than when she comes by! It's mostly because there is alot going on here now and I wish I could really do more with her. Josh applied for school (college) and da, da, da...........................Amber has been working for 2 weeks! yey!
I love my family so much, I have to admit that I am quite single minded at times meaning that I get caught up in keeping things running as smoothly as possible that I neglect certain things. My husband usually then waves the flag in my face and get's my attention to the not so obvious to me and lets me know when need to redirect. I think some wives would see this as something else but I need someone to look out for me and what's important from time to time. It's almost like a reality check but you don't have to wait till you find out the hard way, which is very cool.

I am feeling alot better about myself maybe it's because I am giving me a little more attention and at the same time I'm a little easier on me too because I have someone looking over my shoulder to help me find my way.

Saying Goodbye to my friend Paul

My friend Sharon's husband of 40 years passed away last Sunday,he was 58. I was recently reading an article of how a buddist dealt with the loss of his wife and it so happened that my husband and I had this conversation the night before he passed. My husband has taught me that each person grieves in their own way. The man in the article spoke of "bearing wittness" to the loved one who passes, by getting your feelings way out there. My husband attempted to suppress his emotions but they came to surface with avengence (much). I don't have words for Sharon, but here goes it to Paul: You brought us food at my job and didn't want a penny for yourself, you just said, "Give it to Sharon". Eventhough you were a flirt you were still a genuine nice guy. Knowing you didn't have much, you still gave to all of us just so that you could eat lunch with your favorite woman. How neat is that. This is something that us younger couples have no clue about. Trying to get me to eat Checkers eventhough I was watching my cholesteral and KFC. Sharon's favorite. You will be missed very much by those who knew you and most of all by your partner, who I know loves you very much. Love Cara

you never know...................

stress and depression

How we choose to deal with stress and depression varies from person to person. Depending on how strong the person has become and when they notice these things. Ofcourse I want to be optomistic about this and I am really trying to take better care of myself too. I am riding our stationary bike for close to 50 minutes around 9 miles. I am reading daily my self help buddism books that help me to look at why I react the way I do and to look at things a little different. I still believe in God, but I use buddism as a path to try and guide me at viewing things as positive and not to be as sad when things happen. I know the outcome of things on this planet, my parents are 82 and almost 81 and I don't want to waste time wishing I had not wasted those moments when I was emotional. Enough said, I want to laugh at all things and try and find humor in everything. Example: this just came natural last night by the way. Daisy our dog loves to go for walks like any dog. Usually when my stepson Blake comes for the weekend Daisy knows she will go on a walk with one of her boys. This weekend it rained most of the time so we didn't get to take her. My dad goes to bed early 9ish so we decided to go see a movie, so I got my sneakers and socks and headed down stairs to sit for a few minutes with mom and wait for Ron and Blake. Well Daisy runs down and sees my sneakers and thinks she is going for a walk, then she sees Ron and Blake head out the front door without her. So off we go and we return at 12 ish and boy is she happy to see us! I decided to go to bed a short while after so I got into bed, was going to read and decided to call Daisy on the bed to cuddle. I hit the bed with my hand to call her and no reply and noticed a spot on the bed. So I moved the blanket a little bit and discovered that Daisy had peed on Rons side of the bed and not just a little. I was laughing so hard, Ron didn't find it though. I think she was mad at him because he usually holds the leash when we walk or its's because we left.

What did I say about change?

Ok, back in April or so of this year we started to get letters from the homeowners insurance company. So Mom takes a look at the bill and says well this doesn't have to be paid for 30 days I'm not paying it this early. So she says she won't forget, God bless her ok in the midst of things I believe her. 2 months go down the line and now we get a letter from the mortgage company and they say we don't have any homeowners insurance. Ok, we didn't pay it so now we have to get reissued a new policy and I do what I can do to get ourselves out of this. Mortgage companies do not like it when a property they still own is not covered and I also find out they don't like talking to someone who is not on the mortgage without their copy of POA or atleast talking to the owners. So this ordeal finally takes atleast 3 more months to fix, because the insurance company has to mail the mortgage company copies of declarations page and they don't get it so then the mortgage comp. says if we don't get our copy by this date we are putting our own insurance on the house which will be double of course. Mom feels a little bad for a little while, meanwhile I'm shitting about the whole deal.

This is August, yesterday mom gives me this letter and says GMAC says I don't have any car insurance! If I had opened the mail myself I would have put it in my bill pile. I shut my mouth and called the insurance company in the am, very nice, they explain being that she didn't pay in JUNE (30 days from) she would have to reapply and get a new qoute and then be put in a high risk policy because of this mess. Well I believe that her drivers license expires next month, so I asked her last night to bring her drivers licence out to the dinning room today so I can use it to make calls about this.

OK going back to March 2006, mom decides she wants to get a new car and give me the old one and so then I gave Amber my old one which was only a 2003. So Amber is at the tag office attempting to get a tag and she needs proof of car insurance and so I have her call the insurance comp to have them fax a copy of the page and mom says oh we just add her as a driver to our policy! I call the ins comp and they say no she didn't, so my 22 year old is driving around with her baby uninsured! Oh and did I tell you she has been for 5 years! Luckily we caught this in time because she was in an accident a few months later!

I am worried about my mom now too, she is fiesty as ever but is needing some special attention now too! So now today if her drivers license does expire next month I will see if I can renew online and if not ask her when she wants to take her drivers examination. This way it will be her decision. Then I have to try and fix this mess with the leasing company.

Good Luck to me!

Taking things for granted

My dad has been quite the handfull lately, but I can assure you that I have been attempting to enjoy every minute of it. He being 82 I know he could pass at any time for any unknown reason. The funny thing is that when I tend to put this perspective on this, I don't get bothered by his name calling or behaviors. I also know he will eventually revert to his previous health somewhat in that direction even though I wish he didn't. The one thing I keep repeating is that the only thing constant is change. I used to get frusterated with the why me, but now I feel very priviliged to be a part of this whole process. I sometimes get sad wondering what or when things will happen or change but then I notice a spunkiness about him like him taking his walker and slamming it against a chair or wall or door. I swear he is such a fighter and sometimes I think he just pushes himself. Today he said boy now I can see why your husband said he needed someone else to look after you because your a handfull! Whatever works, it's like a game try everything and see what works!

Change. It's the only thing you can count on.

Today didn't start very well, depending how you look at things of course. I made the mistake of telling dad that Gail was coming at 8am, so dad thought he should start getting up at 4am. He winded up getting as he put it,"his balls stuck in the bars of the bed!" So he makes it out to the dinning room (buckassed naked with just a tshirt) and starts banging on the furniture and walls with his walker telling me to get up! Well I purposely had the alarm set for 7:30 and explained this to him at 7:15 scared and pissed at the same time. So Gail comes, I call back the oncologist office because they left me a message to call yesterday. First of all the last time he had labs I was told that his total blood count was 12.6, I even repeated it to her. A few days after that dad started the aerosept and hadn't had a procrit shot in 2 months so today his total was 9.6. Additionally, his blood count wasn't 12.6 it was 11.6 so I was mad slightly about this. I also have forgotten to give him his puple pills the omenaprozal for possible ulcer things, which I was pissed too about that. I am afraid to find out when the last time that was filled, but I refilled that script and remembering to put scripts on auto refill is a pain sometimes to when the doctor gets faxed from the pharmacy for refills. I am not perfect even though I wish I was and think I am sometimes. I hate that it really pisses me off.

In closing, yesterday dad went and got a procrit shot and to the podiatrist to get his icky toe looked at. When you have a fungus you use vinegar not epson salts because it dries you out. Dad and I stopped and got icecream on the way home and he informed me that he's ready to jump mom's bones, but he thinks he should go on a cruise with her and not do it here in this house. What a trip he is!

baby powder butt......

Mom loves Target. She hates Walmart, so because my dad now likes to go with me to pick up lunch she gets a choice either out to lunch or Target. Bet 'cha know which she picked! Mom was excited to just get out, we had a wonderful talk on the way to Target and I dropped her off in front and told her I would see her in a few. I started off in music, looked at some things and remembered I wanted to "organize"my side of the bedroom. I was in the school supply section looking at files and heard this familiar voice say, "Excuse me, but could someone tell me where the rubber bands are?" she said to one of the employees. Now mom is one isle behind me and can't see me and there are 2 female employees to my left just laughing hysterically at my mom. The male employee had much more class and didn't act like he was at a freak show. At this point I am now furious and can't help it, so I approach the closest employee and as her name and the other female. It's Nancy and Susan she tells me, I say thank you very much and walk away and I get looks like "oh shit". So I make my merry way to the customer service counter and ask to speak to the manager on duty. Her name is Donna and she is very attentive in the situation, I explain that my mom comes here weekly and loves this store and if she found out what they were doing she would be heartbroken. I explain to the manager that she might want to speak with those employees, I don't care if you make 7.50 and hour or 15.50 an hour a customer is a customer. I am finally done venting, I thank the manager for listening and go on my merry way. When I am done and we have paid for our things, I am walking behind the cutest 80 year old ever. I hope I want to shop at Target too when I'm 80. Oh and did I mention the baby powder showing through her pants? Too cute, but hey she takes care of herself in more ways than I do.

the little yellow pill :0)

My dad has been acting a little on the aggressive side this past and we thought it was the disease which it prob. is. He has been quite rough on me the physical stuff the cussing and name calling I let 90% roll off my shoulders. Well when I have a prob. with him it usually runs me to the garden or a a mile of stomping. But it's hard when the verbal crap is towards the rest of the family I tend to try to "fix" to correct my dad in a positive way. Usually remind him to be nice, that we should keep stuff to ourselves and that it's not kind to call people names. So this whole thing is building up and the day I take dad to pick up lunch, Ron comes out to help and dad starts calling him really not nice names so I ask Ron to take lunch in I will bring dad. So dad is now attempting to walk up the walkway and his legs give out, Ron comes over picks him up and brings him in the house. A couple of days later, again Ron comes out to help and the names are flowing again. I tell Ron to tell my mom about it, Mom blasts dad this doesn't help either. Our caretaker girl Gail comes and I vent and she explains it's not his fault, etc. The night is kind of the same, the next day I try a different approach. When Gail comes, I tell him and her his lunch is on the counter and I notice Gail and him speaking to each other. He's complaining about me (not to mention he told me and Ron to get the f out of his house)and I interrupt and tell dad you know you never know how long we all have today I could get hit by something or anything can happen! So I suggest that we all have a clean slate today and that we are all clean and are starting over. He kind of goes along with it, with some prompting from Gail. So we leave come back and Gail says he tried to pay for lunch and she explained it was from me. See, I told him the day before he was getting soup for lunch because he was so nasty. So he thanked me for the lunch and I brought him out for dinner and to sit with mom. So mom gave him a little talking to and I took a stomping walk with Daisy. Ron happened to have to go upstairs and notices dad creeping back in his wheelchair so he asks him if he needs something. He actually let Ron take him to the bathroom without a fight!
Dad tells me that night that he's sorry for being so hard on me and didn't mean to hurt me, he was upset about how he is. So we made up and start over and hope for the best and I realize that you can't use adult tactics on dementia patients.

Today he wakes up with a sparkle in his eye and mentions he would like to go somewhere nice for lunch. We beat mom to the dinning room at 8:30 and I tell dad to say something nice to mom. He says, "Momma, I think your ready for making love!" Mom replies, "We haven't in 2 or 3 years!" I asked them both if I need to get the do not disturb sign and the blue pills? Dad said their yellow pills and their called Viagra!

Boy do they crack me up!

happiness........................ what the?

Happiness is where you find it, you can find it in gardening as I do or in a nice view of the beach or company of your soul mate (husband). Happiness is every where you wish to find it. Today our "Gail" came at 12-4 shift, (thank God) Ron and I went and took a drive and ate lunch (fish sandwiches)then we sat at one of the parks next to the river and just talked. I am calmer when we have help in the house with my husband because I'm not being the caregiver to anyone except us. Even yesterday's trip to the doctor for Ron was ok because I didn't have to think. When we go out and eat we toast to our "Gail" because she really is worth it to us. Just knowing things are taken care of and you can be away for a few hours without thinking is very nice.
What is happiness to me? Just off the top of my head...............
spending a few minutes cuddling with my husband
watching my son blow out his 20th birthday candles and getting a hug from him
seeing my daughter turn into a young lady, raising a daughter alone and watching her mom fight to make things right for her (me and her both)
teaching my children right from wrong even though they are 20 and 23 and my step son Blake giving him lectures about life with his dad and hoping they all listen to a portion of what we say
Giving my mom a hug for some stupid thing we laugh at together
petting my dog daisy
fighting with my dad, even though he has this mental disease that sucks royally not knowing what will happen next or what he will say to anyone and still loving him unconditionally and not really knowing why sometimes
I guess all the things that I find truthfully frustrating on a daily basis I find happiness in them and I don't have a clue why..............

finding "me" & "us" time

Took dad to lab this past Wednesday the 20th, ahead of that he walked all morning took a nap and woke up telling me to get the "girls" at the lab chocolate! That is something wild because for the past 6 months he hasn't given 2 hoots about getting them something. So we left for the lab around 12, stopped at Walgreens got the chocolate and this guy walked into the lab with his walker and out to and from the car! He hasn't done that in almost a year!

Thursday I called to find out if he needed his procrit shot. I assumed he would need one since he didn't get one on 5/30/07 so now we are prob. about a month out on his shot and pretty confident he will need one since his lab for the end of May was 11.4. I called at 9:00am, Linda answers the phone and says she will c/b to my surprise his blood count is now a 12.6! 13 is excellent for a man his age or younger, I am shocked and now realizing that his body is definitely doing something!

This is now Saturday, it has been a long week I am tired and trying to find time alone and alone with my husband. This guy my dad is taking a lot but giving me hope at the same time. The human will is impossible to defeat if you will positively. Once again, I thank God for everything in my life.

One last thing, we were getting ready to pick up lunch today and I placed his shoes next to his wheelchair to put on for him a few minutes later. I walk away for a few minutes and this guy starts to put his shoes on by himself! He hasn't done this in over a year!

Finding a caregiver................

You would think it would be like finding a babysitter, I guess it just depends on what your standards are. Maybe everyone is just as sick as I am too. I've gotten estimates before on odd jobs,a roof for the house, but never a caregiver for my dad. That was interesting to say the least. I had 3 "salesperson" come to the house to interview them about their company, all of which either offered too high of a price or no workers compensation or not a lot of money. I had one company person tell me her ex-husband was in the Marines for almost 30 years and would prob. love to do it. So I called him and he would come 2-3x's a week for like 3 hours a day. He was my dads buddy, as they talked about the military and the past. They also played cards and went outside from time to time, 6 months later we didn't hear from him that often. We just assumed he had other things he was busy with. Maybe it was because I was looking into an agency again to get more hours and to fill in when he couldn't. Regardless, I decided on one agency and they sent their only cna which she did some cleaning as well as him and attended to his needs. The girl they sent had a vacation coming and they weren't able to get a substitute, finally a week later they sent someone else after the first one quit. She was nice and a very nice cleaner but couldn't lift my dad off the bed. Each time my dad needed to be lifted she would get my son in his room. Since we paid 2 weeks in advance we gave the agency notice. In the meantime I interviewed another 2 companies and one couldn't help because they weren't licensed to lift my dad and so we settled on the other one. We are very happy with this agency because I feel like I have developed a good relationship as a customer with them. The 1st person they sent was ok except for the fact she used my laptop which I would've let her use it except she didn't ask. The agency asked if she went to any porn sites? Regardless, we got lucky finally with this one girl who when I asked if she wanted to go and sit on the couch and watch tv she replied, "how can I hear your dad then?' I was shocked we had, had like 5 different people in here and all except her watched tv and either fell asleep or whatever on the couch. She also cleaned and always does more than what I ask of her, above all she treats my father like a human being and that amazes me!

NEWS FLASH!

Dad walked out to have breakfast in the dinning room today (I let him wheel himself back) and then he reminded me that we were going to the lab today and we had to get the girls some chocolate because he remembers they asked him last time. I wheeled him to the car and he walked from the car to get his labs done and walked back (with the walker. Annie the phlebotomist was amazed and hadn't seen him walk in almost a year! I hope this continues, but I also hope he doesn't hurt himself.........

I must sound like a pathetic worry wort! It's just that this sudden spurt of life from him has been so great for the last week, I will really miss it when it goes away. I hate times like this, he worries the crap out of me, drives me up and down a wall for most of the day, then I feel bad when I think when it will go away.

Life......the only thing you can depend on is change.

arisept

Last night my dad and I played cards for about 35 minutes, what is unusual is that he was actually able to play and deal and make sense of what he was doing. If you would have tried a few weeks ago, you would have had a fight on your hands. Yesterday didn't start out so good we ate, went down for a nap and then I heard my mom yelling at him to be quiet around 11ish. I went to his room to find him in the doorway with his walker, upset as all hell because he couldn't make it to the bathroom. Well since he made it up half a flight of stairs the night before, and made it out of bed without my assistance, I figured I would give it a go to see if he could make it into the bathtub. Now you have to understand he hasn't had an actual bath in over 6 months and for him to maneuver himself to get into the tub is quite an achievement. He even got his hair washed too! After assisting him with dressing, we took a drive to the attorney's office which is next to my old job. I called the attorneys office and had them meet me in the parking lot and I also called my old buddy Renee to give her a hug and another buddy Ericka was there too! I had them send apologies to the others for not being able to come in, I probably looked like crap because I spent the night before sleeping next to dads bed. Dad remembered Renee and told her he would flirt with her but he had an illness. We ate lunch on the way home because he was famished and then he took his nap. When he woke up I had him walk all the way from his room to the living room to sit with mom. After eating he was a little anxious, but he managed to slip by mom again with his walker up the tile step, down the tile step and all the way to his room on his commode which was where I found him. I kinda go a little mad with mom because she thought I was with him and wasn't. Oh well, at least he didn't hurt himself. I dreamed all night long I would find him on the stairs again or outside or in the kitchen cooking or burning something so at 5 I checked on him and he was sawing wood.
I bet he worried like that when I was young.............

the new medication

Talk about scared speechless, imagine your father not walking for the past year and all of a sudden you start to walk down the 12 step stairway and you see your father half way up the stairway! What do you do? Well you try to not panic, and attempt to stabilize and then call for help without scaring the shit out of him. Ron decided he should just walk up the stairs and take a break then figure it out, how to get him back down. Shocked doesn't explain the feeling I had at that moment. Had he fallen backwards he would've hit his head or broken his neck on the tile at the bottom of stairs. Ron made up the air bed for me to sleep next to his bed, he slept from 10-4am and stayed up since. He attempted to bust out of jail by taking down the rail, a constant reminder from me to stretch your legs out and lets get some sleep till I got up at 7am. Reassessing the entire plan is probably going to be a good idea sometime this week.

Ron and I have noticed he seems to be coming out of his dementia for the time being. Like night and day, the arisept, it's shocking.

crazier things have happened!

I woke up this morning with the sounds of help and my name being called, I ran down the stairs to find my dad on the floor. Again, I get Ron to help get him up (sometimes it's Josh) and clean him up and the day begins. This day was a little different, dad tells me that he went to mom's room to check on her at 4:00 in the morning because we were getting invaded by Afghanistan and those guys are tough, they could cut your throat! So he goes to my mom's room and yeah dad I believe you, sure! Mom happens to be up a little while after, so I ask her how she slept and she asks, "Did he tell you he came into my room at 4:00 am?" I said uh yeah, then she tells me how he turns on the light scares her half to death and then walks over to her bed and sits at the end! She made him go back to his room (he is naked, hah) and he requires a little push getting up, she walks him back to his room even though he doesn't think he can make it. She even helped put his pants on (minus the depends)all I can say is wow, because this guy can walk past 6 feet without complaining the whole way!

The following day the same, help and my name being called, except this time his arm is wedged between the bed and the rails that keep him from falling out! Again, I call Ron as he pushes the mattress (which I didn't think of) and safely get's his arm out. I attempt to have him hold ice on it which is harder than I thought, 2 cut's out of that one. Poor thing, boy was he mad!

judgement calls

Dad has been coughing for almost a week so far, at least it is productive. The doctor gave me zpac just in case it got worse, which I think it has. He is getting grumpier and coughing most of the night so 2 days into the antibiotic he is better, good call I am hoping. Now he has been put on another different alzheimers medication besides the namenda begins with an "a", a little more confusion so far and I am not too sure what to do. All I can do is wait and see if he changes at all for the good or bad. Yesterday he was up calling me at 5am, Ron usually doesn't tell me till he figures out what he is doing so he doesn't have to wake me up. I get up and dressed go down and he is kneeling beside his bed "attempting" to stand, which I don't want him to hurt himself, but he is trying. His depends off, bed is soaked, shirt soaked and I'm looking at his backside. I get Ron, I clean him up, and give him breakfast and attempt to keep him up till 8:30. I am not sure who or what this is helping, but I sure don't want to get his schedule set to that time! To make matters worse, the ac is iced over, my husband is building an attic ladder so he can get to the ac and the upstairs is a mess because of it. Ron worked on this 6hours the day before and 4 hours today, what fun. I call Amber and tell her about it inform her we are spending the night at her apt. and she can stay in 87 degrees tonite. She says ok but I was just kidding, it was nice of her to mean it though. I really am blessed that I have such a great team. When I started this the first year I would do everything myself, thanks to a couple of people making me see that you can't do all of it alone or you will burn out quicker than anything. Vacations are a must, dreams are a must, exercise and time alone too doesn't hurt. You have to take care of yourself better than you ever did before because you can't call in sick or play hooky. Agencies get paid lot's of money for an excellent service they provide (some of them at least) and at $18.50 you can't always afford round the clock care. So I really budget my agency to when I want to go out or want to work on mom and dad's house which isn't often but going to the movies again or dinner is not time taken for granted.

Never a dull day

June 6, 2007
Most days dad can not get to a sitting position nor can he walk more than a few steps without falling. I left my alarm clock (cell phone) downstairs in just being lazy last night, got up at 8ish this morning came down the steps and to my shock and I mean shock, my father is in his wheelchair buckassed naked! Amazed, I ask him how the hell he got in his chair? Regardless the answer which is obvious, he said he had to pee, figured out the bars on the side of his bed, got up to a sitting position, walked a few steps to his wheelchair (naked) sat down, changed his shirt (correctly), put his wet shirt in the hamper and wheeled himself out the door to the dinning room!
It's lunchtime and I sit watching my dad and think to myself, "the more you do, the more you take away". I try and inspire and motivate and help but helping should be a synonym for hinder as I struggle with both. I am a daughter, mother and wife, with each comes different responsibilities and lessons. The daughter part is very confusing at times because they are still my parents and to take on a different role is not always fun. What I have realized you don't have to like the cards your dealt you just have to DEAL with it!
Getting back to Mr. Houdini, I will have to make a call to the police department, a gentleman started a program for people with alzheimer's bracelets with a bar code or something on it that will have all of the person's information on it should they become lost and someone finds them.

from the beginning.................

Wow I can't believe it, I'm 39 years old and I'm retiring! Sounds like fun?
About 17 months ago 1/22/06 my mom and dad came back from a seven day cruise. Mom feeling spunky as ever, dad caught a bug of some kind. They came home that Monday (I believe), by Wednesday my dad was really feeling crappy. Sore throat, weakness and a little congestion. My dad called to say he probably should go to the hospital to get checked out, he called his doctor's office they wouldn't take him early and said not to go to the emergency room because they couldn't refer him just for those symptoms. They reminded him of his appointment the following afternoon. His doctor did call him in something, I picked it up and took a couple of hours off from work. Brought my parents lunch in and nursed him the best I could, checked his vitals and blood sugar. Returned to work, checked in on our patient, went home made some soup, checked on the patient and went home to my husband.

Now for a little background on the family, hope your ready. Me, I am currently 41, very happily married to my husband Ron for 7 years. I have two adult children from a previous marriage a girl Amber, 23 and Josh turning 20 this year as well as my stepson Blake who is 14. Mom will be 81 this year and dad turned 82 in April. I will add the additional supporting cast members at a later time. Additionally, there is my grand daughter Angelina, who is 2 and a half. For my entire adult life I have always lived by my parents or within a 20 mile range, we always went out to dinner or lunch 2'xs a week. Dinner was always Thursday nights at the steakhouse and lunch was always Dustin's on Saturday. The immediate cast was always invited. Saturday afternoons was usually spent at Target or the pet store. Week in, week out year after year with the annual birthday celebrations and big holidays at our house turkey included. A good portion of my working life my dad has called me daily just to make sure I made it to work on time and everything was alright. "Yes dad I'm ok, no I wasn't late I just wasn't at my desk". My first suggestion is to not take this ever so routine life for granted, for it will take a two by four gain years of momentum and wack you in the head so hard you will not even know what hit you.

I wake up the next morning anxious about a dental appointment that is a cleaning and a filling or something. I get my cleaning complete and am sitting in my chair thinking about my dad and that he's probably already called my job and my cell to find out if I made it to work and an update of his sickness. Now for the record my dad has in the past over reacted slightly about this and that so this was normal. Still waiting for the dentist to see me, I check my cell and see I have about 5 missed calls. Still not unusual, my daughter calls about my grand daughter or from my husband and my dad. I see my husband called so I call him first. He informs me that my dad fell at the house and that he's getting checked out at the hospital and I should call my mom. She answers the phone in a slight panic and tells me that dad fell in the house and couldn't get up, he called the fire department and then realizing that they will bust the door down does he realize that he should get the door. The fire department takes his vitals and thinks he's slightly confused so they take him to the hospital. As I leave the dentist office in a panic, I make several phone calls attempting to find out where he is and let my boss know I will be late. I finally arrive at the hospital and they took labs and xrays and said all is well except the doctor is concerned about his weakness. We then leave together and start home. On the way he says he's embarrassed about what happened I tell him at least you didn't break anything like a hip because that would be really bad. Dad wants to go get breakfast but he left his dentures at home so we have to stop and pick them up and then tell mom he's ok. We arrive in the driveway and I attempt to get out of the car as does he and I notice the recycling bin needs to be brought up so I get it and as I do I notice this in slow motion as he looses his balance and I run towards him all 106 lbs (at the time) and attempt to stop his spinning motion to keep his balance as he tries to as well. We both fall to the ground as the world slows down to a stop and I am wishing and praying he didn't break anything. As fate would have it, he lands on his hip and hits his head on the cement driveway, a neighbor leaving for work around 10 ish waves to us, drives past a few houses stops and backs up and asks if we need any help. I gladly accept and we barely manage to get him to the front seat of the car, thanking him profusely asks if he can do anything else for us and goes about his way. I dream about this from time to time and feel extremely guilty as well. Ahead of our guardian angel helping us, I call my husband who is just beginning a new job and all ready to go out the door. I explain what happened and that I need you now, and he says ok I'm on my way! Dad is in pain. He has a doctor appointment at 3:30 and it's only 10:30, I call his doctors office and am instructed to bring him in at his appointment time. The idiot receptionist is not listening, I should have just taken him to the hospital. Dad weak and confused and in pain, believes he broke his hip. I remember the pain when I broke my elbow he tells me. He can't get out of the car to use the bathroom, we attempt several times to somehow help that situation with no success, just the poor guy sitting in his urine. We eat lunch in the car with my husband and mom, dad still sucking up the pain. We arrive at the doctors office and can't get him out of the car we need assistance from staff lifting him. The office manager says he needs to go to the hospital and then the nursing home, I will never forget that as long as I live. The Arnp looks him over and doesn't like how he looks, agrees he should go to the hospital, duh? You think? Finally we are at the hospital, it's busy and horrid and dad is annoyed and in pain. Lesson learned, with these types of emergencies you have evac take you. He finally get's a bed by like 7:30 and xrayed confirmed the hip is broken, dad in admitted, mom comes home with us, surgery is scheduled for the next day.

Ok, I am coming to terms with the fact my dad was slipping mind wise the last couple of years. But what I was NOT willing to accept is how much anesthesia can hurt someone his age. The orthopedic surgeon calls me at 5:30 am, to introduce himself and that he should be in and out in a 90 minutes. I call periodically to find out when he will be in post op, call my boss, family and give my mom updates. It is now close to 12pm and my mom and I arrive at the hospital. My daughter meets us on his floor to check too. We are all stopped by a women who identifies herself as a case worker for the elderly and she has questions about my parents home life, etc. I am not in the mood, I explain that after I see my father and let my mother sit with him she can then speak with me. Amber is quite upset at her persistence and I explain to her I will handle it. She is a persistent little b---- and I explain my father just broke his hip and if she wants to get anywhere with this situation she will have to wait, I promise to help.

We both enter my dad's room and mom slowly leans in an kisses his hand, I give him a hug and breath sighs of relief he's ok. My dad started to mention being in New York and acted a little confused, he had a little trouble remembering what happened and we summed it up that he was slowly coming out of the anesthesia. After I speak with the doctor, nurse get a feel for what's going on, I make my way to have my visit with the case worker. I enter the room and apologize for being a bit snappy and realize that this woman could make all our lives hell if she wanted to, so I took the easy way out and decided to go with the get along approach and bit my tongue. She says she has the police report that states my father was confused when he fell, the house they live in needs to be picked up and cleaned and she can refer me to help with all of it. What kind of puts your ears up is the state involved with your homelife and private matters and how intrusive that might be. I assure her the family will be taking care of everything and making sure it is done right, what have I gotten myself into? What else do you do? She explains she will be contacting me to check on the situation at a later time.

The following day we are met by a member of the hospital who supposedly knows about insurance coverage and nursing homes which is where he has to go rehabilitate. The hospital suggests 3 different facilities and they all suck royally. This lady from the hospital doesn't like me already, due to my questions and persistence. My husband bless his heart, drives frantically around town with me from 11:00 am till past 7:00 pm scrutinizing at least 10 facilities that are covered by my dad's insurance. We found a nice one but didn't take my dad's insurance, I attempted to drop it and the hospital lady had a fit. He is to be discharged Monday afternoon and I don't like any of these places at all. We narrow our search down to this one place that smells half way decent and we like the fact that the patients aren't all hovering around the nurses station with those half dead expressions on their faces.

I talk to my boss once again and explain I need to get him discharged and paperwork taken care of. No work day 3, feeling slightly guilty but I think this is going to turn into the vacation time I was saving for a real vacation. In speaking with my boss we go ahead and plan on me coming in later in the week. Dad gets discharged and taken by mediquick they charge $50.00 and away we go and follow the van to the nursing home. The room he has is clean, hard tile and everyone is very nice to us and my dad. We all stay awhile then decide to let him settle in and check in on him after dinner. We make visits day and night bring food and make sure everyone is taking good care of him. One night I brought spaghetti and asked if I could heat it up in their microwave back in the break room used by the staff and notice my dad's magazines on the table? Hmm.......The next day I go back to work and leave early so I can go and check on him and he has had his breakfast at least a little and as I am leaving says he needs to go to the bathroom. A majority of the staff are in a meeting and a young man is at the nurses station, so I ask him if someone could help my dad to the toilet. He assures me it will be taken care of, I am feeling better to have seen my dad so off to work I go. I arrive at my job and about 15 minutes go by and my cell phone goes off and it's my dad! He says he still has to go to the bathroom! I get off the phone and call the nurses station and "they took care of it". Either this same day or the next I believe my daughter goes to have lunch with him and finds him on the floor, no one around or trying to help. The following day I contact his doctor's office and go to the nursing home they recommended in the first place. Conveniently, the doctor's office and nursing home take care of all the strings all we have to do is pack him up and meet him there. That night he's met by the occupational therapist and they assess him and what they need to work on along with a physical therapist as well. While there, he must see his primary care physician weekly and they don't see patients at nursing homes. He will also have several appointments with his orthopedic surgeon.

Since my dad has been rehabilitating, my mom has been staying with us and I have been taking her daily to the nursing home for evening visits and my husband Ron attends to her needs during the day as I try to keep my job. It's getting harder and harder to juggle all of this and I see it affecting my work, my boss and supervisor are very sympathetic and flexible with my schedule. My husband is an amazing person, not only has he volunteered all his time to my family but now he wants to discuss where my mom and dad are going when he's discharged from the facility. Since this all began, my husband will tell you I am some what of chicken with her head cut off at times, these past few weeks that's all I have been. Then he asks me, "no really, we need to talk about this", in my mind everything will get better and all will be fine. Then he brings me down to reality, which he does from time to time and we discuss this whole thing. Done. In 5 minutes we decide (Ron's idea) we move in together and help take care of them somehow, they can't go on living alone. We ask mom to sit with us a second and we take care of them, she bursts out in tears and says, "Oh how I prayed and never thought you would be so good to me!" So we "suggest" and I use this loosely because with your parents, even though they are aging you are still their children, that is all you can do. We suggest that they sell their house and we sell ours and look into another home more accommodating for all of us. My dad doesn't like the idea at first but goes along with it eventually. So now I have added yet another stress filled activity to my agenda. I will work 40 hours a week, visit my dad at the nursing home, feed my family, and find us another home! Cluck, cluck I go off again!

I have found out a lot along the way and it's always tough nothing is easy or goes as planned. Perfect example: dad has an appointment with his orthopedic surgeon, because it's a 9:00 appointment they have to have him ready to go at 8:00 so he misses breakfast. He missed his breakfast but they somehow figured they should give him his medicine with a protein drink for diabetics. The way it goes is, they have a service pick him up and drop him off at the doctors office and meet me there. He doesn't look like he is feeling well, I asked him if they gave him pain meds, he said yes. So in a rush he says he needs to go to the bathroom, we don't make it and it's coming out both ends. Oh my lord, what am I doing? So I begin to clean him up and again the faucet returns, thankfully 2 staff members at the office help me clean it all up while I deal with him. Ron has to come with a change of clothes and mental note always keep spares of all! Later I chew out the staff about sending him off with a pain killer and shake for breakfast, he's diabetic for crying out loud!

Still in the nursing home, his primary care physician has to seen him 1x a week so we meet there with an aide who works for the facility to help with the appointment. She waits outside and I take Dad in, the doctor says he is anemic prob. due to the surgery he puts dad on some iron pills. While he's there we all visit daily, bringing food we think he might eat all he wants is junk food and he is loosing weight and getting depressed. One day while I am at work I get a phone call from the head nurse asking if I think dad really means what he says, I tell her no that he just talks a lot. Apparently he went to the nurses station by wheelchair and told the staff that he wanted to leave and if they didn't get him out of there he would come back with loaded guns and shoot everyone. At his next doctors visit, we believe the nursing home ratted him out and the doctor said I can discharge you but you would be a danger to yourself and prob. end up back in the hospital and the nursing home again. He also told him his anemia was getting lower and he should eat better and that if he didn't start trying to do better in physical therapy he would be there a long time. In the meantime, I didn't know the nursing home psychiatrist had put him on celexa to quite his butt down. It took me about 6 months to realize who put him on this and my husband looking on the internet to find out the side effects. So he manages to do what they say and finally they discharge him, his anemia still going down.

We move him to the house and I am still working full time, every day I go to work dad is usually up and thinking if he doesn't get breakfast before I leave he won't get any. Ron bless his heart, feeds them lunch separate times or together depending how long mom sleeps and they are getting sick of hot pockets and tomato soup. One day mom attempts to heat up what she thinks is spaghetti in the microwave to a bubbling, boiling, brew and luckily Ron checking on her sees bubbling strawberries in the micro and asks if he can help and is in shock that she could've scalded her mouth badly. Now we need to give a visual oh how we are living at this point. The house only had 3 bedrooms: we gave dad the master bedroom, josh had his room, mom got Blake's room and we got the florida room that sits off from the dinning room and kitchen and overlooks the backyard. So dad gets the masterbedroom and the king size bed, we get a futon and Blake get's a couch and the dog sleeps somewhere in the florida room with us along with 1 of 3 cat's that happens to sneak in. After a week a futon can ruin the best of backs I found out. What sucks the worst is Blake looses his room altogether and makes me feel like crap whenever I think about it. One of the BIG issues is the bathroom, there is only 2 and dad gets one to himself. So it's 4 on one and my mom usually won that battle. Ron would get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night around midnight and have to wait till around 3 for her to get done. We often wondered what the hell she was doing in there for 3 hours. Taking a shower when she was awake was fun too because it was always the wrong time how long is it going to take. I threatened to get numbers and time limits for everyone but that didn't work. Oh yeah, in mine and Ron's spare time we were still looking for houses too.

Coming home from work I felt like a princess, mom and dad waiting in the living room for me and mom especially wanting to go anywhere! We did have a humana represented physical therapist who did what he could for 5 or 6 visits. After 2 weeks, Ron and I decided that we needed to either hire help or hire me to do this. One night, Ron and I sat down with them both and I explained they would either have to hire a stranger or hire me. Dad had been hinting and I think my mom didn't believe I would do it or just wasn't sure about the whole thing, but dad was all for it. Mom at first laughed it off and then a few days later she made her decision. In the meantime, my job is getting further and further put on the wayside and I'm feeling a little pulled by the threads so a speak. The social worker or case worker visits to close the case checking on dad's progress and telling him that his mom had a replacement and is bowling now. She tells me if there is anything she can do let her know. Backing up a week or two at a doctors appointment, I peek at his file and notice some notations from the orthopedic surgeons pathology report that there is some kind of lymphoma looking cells in the marrow. So I approach the nurse and she says oh yea that's not really a big deal. The doctor asks him if he wants to know what is making him more anemic, dad says he feels ok don't worry about it. In making my decision, I ask the same nurse does he or doesn't he she says yes about the lymphoma. So I think my dad is dying (sooner than thought) and so I use this in my resignation to take care of my parents. I do my 2 weeks, (barely) with constant calls home, to the realtor, doctors, etc and I attempt to train a co-worker for my duties.

We finally find a house after 2 other home inspections totally flop. The cost is much higher than what I was aiming for but we justify the set-up and the lake as a plus. Josh's got the kick butt view with the bathroom separate egress and we have 2 bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs, dad has the master and joining bathroom with mom on the opposite side of the hallway. Blake lucks out as we attempt to give him privacy time to time in the Blake room/living room when he's here and not here room. I felt all aside that it was a peaceful area that my dad and mom would enjoy as well as the family. We move in April 18th closing in the morning and the moving truck is ready to go, Ron organizes it so they will set up somethings during closing and lunch. Ron and Josh do mostly all the moving till his brother gets off work, Josh's friend Matt helps put beds together which is immense help because my dad sleeps a lot. We spend the next months with lab tests going lower and lower and daily outings to lunch which get more difficult as the time passes.

June 2006 doctor appointment with his primary his blood is around a 9, to give an idea a young male could be 15 an adult at his age should be at least 12. He is asked again silly questions by the doctor if he wants testing or scans done, dad says nope. The doctor releases him and says he can now see his ARNP from now on. He is now on 375 mg of iron 3x's day, and it doesn't work. We try omapropozole, it helps slightly. We have a lab done and now a month later we are at a 5. something, the ARNP is quite upset now and we discuss the lymphoma. She can't find it in the file so she calls me later and asks me to ask my dad if he wants to know if he has cancer. After thinking about it I change the question to; do you want to know what's making you sick. So he says no but I convince him to why not see if we can make you feel better? Ahead of that he gets his transfusion at the 5. and he stays about a 9 and slowly slips to 8ish, the ARNP finally suggests a hematologist. We go back 2wks later still no referral to the hematologist, so now I decide to call every day till I get him one. The office is now annoyed, I am nice but persistent. At the same time I am working on getting power of attny for both my parents just in case I run into trouble with this stuff. Finally in late August or September we meet with the hematologist, dad has his witts and likes this doctor. We like the fact that he wants to listen and thinks he can help, but he has to get labs on this and that and scans.

MRI's and CAT scans of his hips,abdomin,chest,thorax,neck,head and tissue in his brain. No inflammation, no malignancy, then the fun colonoscopy (ahh how I remember the prep work for that one) every child should be made to partake in that with their parents!

We start off with weekly Procrit shots and tandem pills at night, Procrit is used to boost the immune system which increases his blood count gradually the tandem is used to replace what the Procrit takes out of the blood. So it's Wednesday labs and Thursday shots, along with whatever appointments these two have. A few months later we meet with the doctor and are allowed every other week! Wow, his anemia is improving! The doctor leaves it up to the family to decide whether we want him to get a lower gi which he would need anesthesia. I explain to the doctor there have been changes in his behavior odd stuff like: yelling, physical (hitting,bitting,spitting, kicking) and lots of verbal abuse. He looks in dad's file and admits there is fluid in the soft tissue brain areas which causes this. Well that explains a lot, so it's dementia related we find this out in October of 2006.