just thinking.....................

Ok so this past week, I've had this swine pig flu~Ronnie had it first it is not any fun. But the interesting part is that when your sick you have the opportunity to look at life, relax, reflect and it's not something we usually allow ourselves to do daily.  What's cool also is that you get so bored that you force yourself to plan things and get motivated about doing stuff and when your feeling better you get this burst of energy and get a lot accomplished.  The part that sucks about being sick is that it is very hard to take care of family member that depends 100% on you for everything.  But you can do it or figure out someone to help, in our case the agency we use.  Lately, I am more selfish in taking care of myself & needs.  I have no choice.  Dad is tough as shit, he's the one with the broken collar bone and I'm this whimpy ass!
Start organizing, sorting 15 minutes a day again
Start gardening, cleaning outside 15 minutes a day again
Let's see what happens.
Love to all

sometimes..................

Sometimes ya just gotta roll wit the punches............and then sometimes you gotta fight back~I'm doing neither.  This past week has been interesting and thought provoking at best, you see dad fell Saturday almost a week ago broke his collar bone, Ron & I both got swine flu and dad's kicking our assess! I swear to you the mind has it, if your state of mind is to keep going you'll keep going this guy is almost 86 in like less that 3 weeks and he is as tough as nails!  I mean a broken collar bone is painful and he just keeps going and does his thing.  Makes me think sometimes, do we dwell on our pain too much? Is there an area of the brain that is affected by dementia that doesn't feel it as much? I mean I know that when he has a sore on his foot he can't feel it too bad, but does the dementia help them tolerate better?  Who knows, not me for sure but what I do know is that I'm not worked up about all this because it never helps anyway and sometimes you just get sick or whatever and like my dad used to say you need to slow down.  So we slow down and make some changes and decisions and it's all good.
Been thinking about this mole that has to be excavated or whatever they call it, it was removed then pathology doesn't quite know what it is, April 19 the dermatologist does his thing and wait till I get a call about it.

breathe~

I've had almost a week to do that, resting and healing as well.  I've put a few feelings on the surface, not bad or good just there.  I've learned not to give those too much energy as that doesn't help at all.
It’s me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence.
~Paula Cole
I'm quiet in my head and that is fine. Taking time out to be human in all it's elements is a must in what I deal with daily.  People say turn off work and go to rest mode, well I can't because I only have 5 hours during the week and none on Sundays.  What I can do tho, is simplify my days a little and be a bit nicer to myself.  I am grateful for what I have/not and that I can feel pretty confident that I'm doing the right thing.  I used to feel guilty about taking time out for myself, now I know it's ok.  Will anyone stop me when I'm running? Why should they, on the surface it looks like I can handle it.  Should I blame them, never.