To date, I or I should say my husband and I have been caring for my dad since 2005 when he first broke his hip. I have cried, puked, been sick to my stomach, wanted to run away, wanted to put him in a nursing home, felt elated, amazed that someone could change (me) felt attachment and observed my own, felt honored and blessed.
When you first get into something like this, you feel like the end is never coming. You don't know how long a person will be around and days and years sometimes feel like decades. I did not appreciate my circumstance for a long time, this evolved. After suffering for a few years with my frustration and his I was forced into seeing this situation as a comical blessed look at life. My thoughts have always been all over the place and I realize that with maturity sometimes we can slow them down to appreciate our present. But I never imagined in my wildest dreams to be able to slow down life a bit and laugh at the same time. I am so lucky to have been able to cross paths with Buddhism to bring me back to earth. It's funny how out of misery you can actually change, but I'm just guessing here that is usually the way it works. This made me realize that if I changed the way I saw one single situation I could change my views on a lot of other things. I don't believe in narrow minded thinking as much anymore, I question a lot lately.
Dad no longer transfers from a chair or the bed with assistance, he is 100% full body transfer. He no longer speaks to me or shakes his head . The last words he said was Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas and only to his nephew Anthony. I can still get him to laugh which is easiest when he's laying in bed (not sure why) and he still allows me to feed him and give him drink. Sleeping is increased and it is harder to wake him up. When I was angry and scared at these changes when they were gradual I immediately noticed my attachment getting stronger. In the beginning every day was a week now every week is a second. Every day is a gift. Being with him now has definitely helped me with healing over mom's passing and as I've said in the past I've mourned my old dad but periodically life's special moments from the past pop into my head, happy to notice them and appreciate the life we have had.
