up at night~ again & every night

so he goes to bed at 8pm ish and falls asleep quickly- some nights he's up in 2-3 hours others around 4-5. he takes namenda, tandem & lorazepam at 8pm, i really believe by him waking up at those times he's in some kind of sleep walking mode. you can just tell by the way he looks at you and usually you just get an agreeing mmhmmm of some sort as he continues on his way. last night at 12ish Ron found him trying to open the front door moving the handle back n forth, i came down the stairs and asked him if he was making sure the front door is locked and he agreed, i told him thanks for keeping us safe that was very nice of him. then he told me it was christmas, i told him to go back to bed but he just continued to go to his wheelchair and sit, all you can do is let him be- 2 more trips in an hour back n forth- those hours from 10-3 are hard on his brain challenged mind. found another screwdriver in his room-amazing where he finds them and still has that process of what they are for, mainly opening the kitchen and getting snacks-

funny thing yesterday-amber came by and helped with dad for a few hours did an excellent job, very compassionate young lady she is, talking to dad for like an hour -dad asked her how she was and said she was fine he didnt believe her so he let her talk her troubles out to him. he woke up from his nap and said that, "i should tell you that amber is still upset over that guy" so we talked a little bit about that-then when he was going to bed i asked him if he had something on his mind, he said, "amber" i said eh that guys no good anyway-if it works out it works out- you know your alive when you have problems.

resting with my thoughts

Its sunday and Im sitting outside on our dilapidated deck/porch on 5 buck plastic chairs made in china. The plastic towards my back bends because Im propping my feet on another chair. My head is tilted sideways as i think about my just sitting with myself at this second on Sunday and my breath is slow. my dad is up for his second time this morning not sure why, i guess he just wants to read the paper and sit with mom as she takes forever in the bathroom and eventually makes it to the kitchen. He just told me to shut up because he's frustrated and so am i. so i do the next best thing and i sit outside with myself and let my thoughts flutter away like little butterflies. some days or mornings like today you wake up and have a certain patience or awareness and realize all the little things that we flutter around about in our brains are really worthless and just as they are thoughts they are not true facts. it most likely sounds crazy, but if you look at some of your thoughts and give them too much credibility you can sure waste a lot of good energy. one of my favorite things is the feeling i get blogging about family and there is so much for me to learn in accepting the real for what it is. sitting out here in the shade just listening and looking around me and just being in this one place at this one time. very calming indeed my friends.

sorry about my punctuation but im really not in that mood today, im just appreciating all that i can right now.

i look at my toenails and think i should trim them-fact yes :0) very funny.

if you try for a minute or two when your not enjoying yourself to just tell "your-self" what your doing. It really works and it's very calming too. for example, we spend too much time just thinking about other things we need to do, don't want to do, hate to do, don't want to think about, really care about, really feel bad about, don't like, like, want, need, don't need, can't have and the list could go on forever. but if you think about it~ALL OF IT IS EITHER PAST-PRESENT-FUTURE and you can't do anything about any of them! i mean yes you can save your money, yes you can eat well & exercise, you can keep things simple BUT YOU CAN KEEP THINGS SIMPLE wow! what a statement, it's almost like multi tasking this multi thinking, don't you agree? I could think about any number of things while i type or fold clothes or wash dishes, right? but what does that do for me, really? does it make it easier to get done or to the next thing i'm doing? no, NOT ONCE HAVE I BEEN DOING ONE THING AND BEEN THINKING ABOUT ANOTHER HAS IT MADE THE THING IM DOING PLEASURABLE OR FUN OR ANY EASIER OR ENJOYABLE. so why do it, the other thing will get done after you get the first thing done & IT FEELS LESS STRESSFUL! OMLord what a AH HA MOMENT, it is to be doing and thinking about this any one thing at a time. for the record i have wanted to write about things and gotten all excited about what it is i want to write and then once i start writing, i start thinking about the next thing im gonna-have to-want to do and suddenly my writing feels un easy, rushed , not fun and boring and lamo.

Lucky for those who have an under active brain, what beautiful awareness they possess.

Happy awareness to all of us.

When life throws you lemons & additional wisdom

So I sit here thank full that my computer is working now, I spilled evoo on the keyboard and in realizing my laptop is not a salad it was very frustrating to type on. Well enough of that because I've got so much to tell I almost bursting from waiting so long! Ok so this last month has been quite exciting we had Ron's, Mike's & their dad's birthday all on the weekend of the 8th which was loads of fun. The preparing and over stressing was not I regress to that fact even though I loved every minute of all the to do's and lists and getting with Kim and planning strategy of secrecy's. I loved it a bunch! We had the agency and Josh from Thursday night till Monday evening at 5pm. Wow I look back and we had a blast, a very interesting family I married into, no attitudes, no one acting like they are better, no one being snobby, everyone getting along beautifully! The party was a blast that was Saturday, we got an ice cream cake and Mike and Ronnie both wore tshirts that said 4 then 0 ha, ha get it twins- Just amazing this getting along thing really! So we ate & drank & ate & drank and so on all weekend long, I think by Monday my body had about had it! We stayed at the Best Western with a few of the family and the others stayed at the Makai which is kinda old and run down a bit, it's too bad because the view from the rooms is great and access to the beach is like right there! We had the party there with a cookout and lot's of surfing, rafting and fun!

Getting back to the beginning:
Poor Josh stayed with them Thursday night, I spoke with him Friday morning and once again dad gave him a bomber present all over the floor. I was beginning to think that dad was doing this on purpose because Josh had stayed with them Wednesday sometime and he did it then also? So anyway, I took a drive in the morning to the house and cleaned up a hefty mess that took me about an hour to clean and disinfect. Josh left that day at 5pm relieved by Jan (to say the least) I made my 2nd trip to the house to pay Josh for the day before after lunchtime. So Mike went and picked up Blake and met us at the hotel, we met up with Ronnies dad and Kim and all of us ate dinner at Bonefish grille , very good by the way. Took another trip to the house (3rd that day) to pickup surfboards etc. Blake had fun till we went to the beach the following day, but he kept a good game face on still for his dad's birthday. Ronnie took him home that afternoon, the rest of the weekend was nice and mellow.

So things that have happened in the last month.................hmmmmm, ok we can start with this morning I found my purse on my dad's tray in the dining room so I asked him when he came out, "Hey dad, did you find what you were looking for in my purse?" He says, nope! So then I asked him, "what were you looking for in there? he said, "keys"-I asked him did you find the one you were looking for? Well I know the answer was no because the kitchen was still locked, but it was so funny that he thought to get my purse to try and find the key to open up the kitchen, amazing! So I end the story by telling him that you can't sneak the sneak it doesn't work like that, I told him you taught me and the student tricked the teacher!

Much more to come- I can only hope.