sampson 198?-2008 our little buddy

I've probably put this to the back of my mind for many reasons. We speak of attachments to things and people but rarely our pets. We are attached because they are more than just a pet to us. We get mad at them, take them for granted but love them alot differently than humans. When you truly love a pet you don't think about how important, stupid, ugly, tired, meaningless, selfish you are. You just love. You don't get a car, you don't get an atta girl, you don't get money, you don't get anything except love back from an animal when you love them. When you loose them you loose that special love. As I try and be supportive to my husband who has loved Sampson twice as long as me, I can't help but appreciate this. I am sorry I waited so long to say goodbye to my friend of almost 10 years. Most of the 10 years I've known him he was blind due to cataracts but the most fascinating thing was that he could always find his way around, even upstairs especially to find his best friend Ronnie. I can't stand to look down and not see him being held by Ronnie or hearing his mows or even getting mad at him for peeing so much. Ronnie would get so mad at him, all he wanted was up down from his lap and then Sampson would just sit with his nose barely touching Ronnie's leg, just to let him know he was there. Ronnie would always give in. Sampson loved to be held and Ronnie loved to hold Sampson. They were there for eachother, Sampson couldn't see and Ronnie had his buddy. Any time Ronnie was sad about missing his mom, I would pick Sampson up and put him in his lap.

I can't remember how many times I fell asleep with that cat in my arms, no matter what kind of shitty day you had you could hold Sampson and feel better in minutes. Sometimes you didn't even know how he ended up in your lap and you would try and figure it out and never would. My mom is 83, has always hated cat's all of them, they would make her dog's run and cause her to fall down or make her dogs bark and kill birds. When my mom was staying with us while my dad was in the hospital, she was lonely. Sampson would find his way to her lap and comfort her and keep her company. He did this till my dad came home and my mom will still tell you that Sampson is the 1st cat she ever loved. Ronnies mom used to feed Sampson his dad's lunch meat and tell him not to tell.

Snoop was Sampson's buddy cat, I can remember when we first got her and he did his little initiation behind the bed. It was love after that, Sampson and Snoop would be in a ball in one of the chairs or his bed or our bed or daisy's bed. Snoop really misses Sampson and it's sad but at the same time you realize that pet's mourn too even Kimmy who we thought didn't give two hoots about Sampson. Now Kimmy is all the time wanting to sit in Ronnie's lap when she avoided this room completely before. Daisy always respected Sampson and on occasion would sniff butt or give him a kiss. Biggie's saving grace with the group was that he loved Sampson even though he would've knocked him out if he could see. This house misses Sampson our little king with a big mow and even bigger heart. I miss your purr's your mows, your pacing, your needing, and your love Sampson. Rest in peace my little friend.

holidays

There are times when we battle our differences and then there are the holidays. I am thankful for this because in doing so you are able to let things just be for a few days and enjoy the true meaning. Being related can help sometimes, marriage, neighbors or even people in the grocery store, all attempting to reach a common goal. Sometimes we let stress from this or that eat at us till we turn into raging loonies and then we get to our last nerve and decide to let everyone know it. I happen to love gift giving, to me it's like showing appreciation of my love. It probably sounds corny but I could have just watched people open gifts all day Christmas without opening a single one and still would have had the best time. So it's not entirely about the gifts but it's more about appreciating what you have or have had that I believe counts. I feel bad for some people who say they will be happy when or they can't wait for this. I believe it's ok to want but we have to realize one thing, that happiness is here it's right now, this minute and it's in front of your face. We don't need "it" we need "now" for all happiness and I wish this for everyone.

Now

A lot of my time is spent pulling my mind from everywhere else and bringing it back to earth. This is no easy task for me because I have lived most my young life thinking ahead and backwards. It's kinda funny when you say it like that because when you think about the past it is backwards thinking, if you think about it. Living with myself and liking me with some kind of acceptance a big part is because I'm with someone who allows me to be me which in turn helps me grow as a person. I wish someone would have told me along time ago (maybe they did, but I didn't listen) to slow down and appreciate all for what it is. We can live to our standards, someone elses, a big statue, whatever, but I think what's most important that we don't need to prove it really. I'm getting to that point that proving anything doesn't matter, and trying to get to the point that I don't need to say it either. This ego we seem to have doesn't serve us well at all if you really think about it. Really it's kinda like boasting that your the best at something, well your not the best at all things it's impossible right? The ego get's in the way of the good parts of life, the teaching and unconditional learning that is only achieved by giving up your ego. We can be %1000 percent right about something and if you persue this "fact" then you are %1000 percent wrong about living your life in a harmonious way.

being thankful

Opening my inbox yesterday I recieved a daily buddha message that went as follows:
Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn’t learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little,
and if we didn’t learn a little,
at least we didn’t get sick,
and if we got sick,
at least we didn’t die;
so, let us be thankful.

-The Buddha

Most of the time I'm preoccupied and have a bit of trouble focusing on these things but today it kinda smacked me in the face. Ron and I took dad to get a flue shot, being that it was 3pm and he was tired getting him into the car he says, "Hey that guy had a bear cub in his car," I kinda went along with it because as I'm finding out sometimes you have to go with it others you have to derail sorta speak. Dad also said he doesn't know what he's gettin himself into with that cub, he's gonna be big someday, I told dad if the guy didn't get rid of him soon his mom will prob. come looking for him and eat the guy! I asked dad if maybe that flue shot was knocking him out, he said yeah and that he felt it! Earlier in the week not so lucky, dad woke up from a long nap before dinner and I could tell by what he said that he was really in a deep sleep. Mom was kinda concerned because dad asked her when they were gonna meet up with Marion and Chris. My aunt Marion passed close to 20yrs ago and the family assumes Chris either has or made someone elses family misereable. So I just said to dad, "Boy you mustve sleep really hard and been dreamin", it's just better with some things to use either method, because for as long as I can I don't want him to have doubts.

Sometimes we have to be thankful that our thoughts and others reactions are the same even if they come from different places.

Words

Words: are sounds put together in a language that have a meaning to that group of people that use that language. Well that's my definition, ask an english teacher and it may not be correct. Mom turned 82 on Monday, September 15th, 2008 this is a big milestone for some who actually make it to that age. My grand daughter, Angelina almost four has started to come up with some great word usage these days and going out to lunch with the family to celebrate this milestone was no exception. I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, she answered, "Nana, I'm gonna be four and be a big girl!" Josh is having a great time teasing this poor child every chance he get's, telling her she has something on her nose and it's not there. Too funny. The day out was fun my daughter Amber had a blast in watching Angelina (her daughter) get all the attention. Dad said the "F" word when he got mad at me 3 x's about a food related issue and mind you it's always said with emphasis. Mom dropped the "F" bomb too shortly after when she was supposedly correcting my dad, all said quite loudly ofcourse. Last but not least, Angelina calls me the other night to tell me where babies come from, "where", I ask, "From the baby shop!" she tells me.

Looking back on the other day, thinking about how Angelina was twirling in the restuarant telling Ron, "wait, don't take my picture yet!" Being that age she is blessed to not have a recall of hurtful or shaping of what people say, unless most likely her mom. Our minds are not as advanced as we think, we get mad or happy and say things that we think should be either emphasized or lightly said. This doesn't matter at all or shouldn't they are just words, sounds put together. Myself, I prefer the twirling and the carefree look of a childs face that doesn't care just is showing her happiness from the inside out.

Before I forget (pic of Angelina too!)

Backing it up a few weeks, July 21st to be exact. Mom has a melanoma the size of a quarter which is around a centimeter, the plastic surgeon has to make sure he get's all of it by taking 3 centimeter's the size of a small orange cut in half. We get through surgery, Dad doesn't know because I want him to be ok and let mom sleep and he get some too. Bring mom home she's in a wheelchair, remember dad is in a wheelchair/walker a good percentage each. I had our caretaker Mary still come by on this Monday to help with dad, so that I can take care of mom. Thank God for my husband Ron he reminds me to be patient all the while in the next coming weeks, he helps more than he ever knows. Later that evening Dad comes in for dinner and says, "Hi Mama" and doesn't mention Mom in a wheel chair the entire evening even though they are sitting less than 3 feet away. Dad goes to bed his usual time 8pm says good night to mom and off he goes. Remember my dad has dementia/Alzheimer's. My son just happened to move out approx 1 week before mom's diagnosis, Ron, Josh and I clean out his room and get it ready for Mom. We order a hospital bed, wheel chair and get a new tv and the basics lamp, etc to make her comfortable. So mom is now situated for the night with pain killer, anti nausea and antibiotics it's 11:30 I'm sleepy so off to bed I go. Ron and I are in cuddle mode discussing the day, when the motion sensor goes off in dad's hallway. I go down the stairs and dad has a confused look on his face, so I ask him if he's ok? "Why is Mama in a wheel chair?" , he asks. I tell him about the surgery and why and so he starts to turn around, he walks a few feet towards his room and then turns around again and asks me with sad eyes and tears streaming down his face, "I was no good to her, it's my fault, I was no good to her". So I tell him let's go and see Mom and go and sit with her, he doesn't want to but I make him. So in her room he goes with a t shirt and depends and socks on into Moms temp/room and they watch Sex in the City and Reno 911 till 1 am. Dad cries when he see's her but she's all doped up but she consoles him anyway and tells him she is ok and asks dad, "Do you want me to kick the doctor in the balls?" The end of August, Mom get's released from the plastic surgeon and back (for the most part) she is back to her old wanna go everywhere self again. And each day I thank God that she is exactly that way.

The game of Life

Have you ever wondered what would life be if we knew then what we know now? Would we go to the beach, get in our cars, eat sushi, didn't sit and waste time playing a stupid game? Life is full of consiquences, sometimes you know, sometimes not. Mom get's to retire with dad in Florida, helps him get better goes to the beach, gets skin cancer? But what if she knew what would or could happen? Who knows? I think she loved the beach as much as I do now maybe more? She got to go through the Panama Canal and see that magnificient creation even though you could fry an egg on the deck of the ship and dad slept right through it. What if I had moved a long time ago and never been here to see my mom through this? My husband asks, what if they were still living alone?

My mom came through this with high flying colors, even though she a month after her removal of her melanoma had to have something taking off her face also.

What gives some people that strength to go on to make it while some others wait to give up or worse don't appreciate what they have.

This is how a mother loves.

I don't possess my mothers abilities in the least of ways. I wish I did. When I was young looking back, "be careful" was really the same as I love you but have fun. I was a tom boy who loved to skateboard, bike ride, climb trees, play every game known to kids, pretend me and my friends were the Swiss Family Robinsons in my back yard play house from Gimballs at the mall. Growing up and boy did I want to as soon as I noticed boys was not too easy a time for us all. My girl friends and I would take atleast an hour to get ready to go roller skating, ice skating or watch the boys play baseball just to be out and ready for anything! Several occasions I lied awefully bad about bad pizza or kanishes when in fact I stoled my moms j&b scotch. To say I was a handfull to todays standards would be putting it lightly. My mother was going to instill some culture and poise in me whether I liked it or not. I was in public schools for 7-8 yrs, I can't really count kindergarten because all I remember was my mom and dad taking me to the beach alot instead of going to school. Eighth and Nineth grade I spent at Knox Preperatory School in Long Island or on the Island as it's called. Even though I hated it due to mostly having to adapt to the preppie way of life, I have very good memories of those 2 years. In the last quarter of school of the second year my dad suffered a major heart attack and a mild one, I remember the day was like a Wednesday and I had just came from a game I played (tennis, soccer, softball or basketball?) and my mom's car was parked in the parking lot at Knox. Mind you, you only got picked up every other weekend and had afternoon visits with family alternate weekends. Mom told me dad's back went out and when I got to the hospital dad was sitting up in a hospital bed with all kinds of tubes and cords, plugs and monitors attached to him. He got up and gave me a hug (sitting) and I remember saying what about your back? Dad's doctor mentioned to mom that if we could find a way to move to Florida and retire that dad would prob. live alot longer. Off that summer we went, Mom pushing dad to get well, having him eat right, walking to the end of our property (to the mailbox) and back, then to the end of the block, and she packed and planned a trip to go look at houses in Florida with a realtor and did everything come to think of it. We flew together as a family to Florida to find a house and moved there in the summer. Moving van took our belongings and we took the 2 dogs a basset hound and her mixed puppy/adult in a Chevy Chevette gunmetal grey with red seats and no ac (from what I remember). My dad could only drive a little, my mom drove mostly and my dad even made me drive, no drivers license and 15 yrs old. Luckly those lessons in the mall parking lot paid off big time, believe me your fist time driving in traffic is a bit scarey if your doing it on I-95! Moved in made friends, had a few boyfriends, got pregnant, then married.

Getting back to my mom, she always gave me hope. Hope in marriage, health, love, sickness, my children, job and even when I didn't have much. Her ability to forgive and not forget is unsurpassable bar none. She is biased very to me. She is also biased to the good that can and is inside everyone, even if they aren't showing it at that time. How does she know these things, why when I get mad about something she gives off this feeling that she's ignoring me when in fact she's just really making light of it knowing it will pass and not even matter? How she does this I hope I figure out, I think I have to ask her this later. Maybe it's her faith in God, she prays every night to her dear heavenly Father for anyone and everyone she cares about. She worries still at 81 years young about everyone she cares about, even her husband that he'll be nice to me? Who does these things?

In a week from this Monday she's having 3 cm removed from her shin due to malignant melanoma under anesthesia. I am scared as hell about this skin cancer and losing her to it. I am being selfish I know, I don't want her to suffer and lose that gleam in her eye and will to be alive as she lives each day. You should hear her laugh out loud when she's watching her favorite shows, shows she's seen a thousand times. She sings with commercials, "There ain't no bugs on me!", sang by some adorable lab.

I believe in heaven her mother is looking down at her and saying what a chip off the old block. Maybe her dad too. Lastly, her dad when on Sundays the family would go to church have a good friend or golf buddy that was like an usher or something would come up and shake her dad's hand and he'd have a golf ball or a buzzer in it! In church even!

Well lunch is home today, she has to go to Walgreens (she has a list I'm sure) and pick up her glasses at the eye glass place. I wish I could just stop crying, but like Jan (one of our helpers) says she used to promise herself not to cry in front of her mom she gave herself to cry like a baby once she got far enough away from her to make sure she couldn't hear her.

my mom (picture is of Angelina 3 yrs 3/4 old!)

Moms aren't supposed to get sick, the last time she did was a cough/cold thing going around. My mom doesn't have diabetes, her bp is OK (with meds) she's almost 82. I read something yesterday which put it in words how I feel. I read that when you take care of your parents or do some things for them, you begin to take a look at your own mortality. My dad had 2 heart attacks before I turned 15 years old, it wasn't easy for him. When this happens you have to slowly reabuild yourself and push every day to exercise, eat right and be careful not to over do it. When I was in my 20's my mom had a lumpectomy with radiation. I took her to her appointments, visited her at the hospital, and she was the strongest person with breast cancer in all the world. Never once did I think she'd die from it, or maybe don't remember. A little while ago she told me that was the scariest thing she ever went through. My mother has been taken for curt, mean, brash, rude, cold, harsh, hard for her words to others or about from time to time. She was raised privilidged and born in 1925 in Wheeling, West Virginia. She had 2 older siblings Hugh and Margorie. She often says how she missed talking to him about anything little or small. She remembers one conversation with him as he was referring to having his leg amputated due to a bypass surgery that didn't heal, he said "Well now that I only have 1 leg, I only have to worry about cutting the toenails on 5 toes instead of 10!".

Being born through a depression makes one appreciate every little thing. My mother was not wasteful, she loved spending money on her family but lived a modest life. When she was young she remembers there being an "X" infront of her house on the pavement by the street. Her parents told her that was from the beggars that knew they could go to their home for food. She and her sister volunteered at the local Red Cross with their mother for many years. Due to the usual flooding in Ohio she always had lots to do. Her sister and mother later on were very important community figures volunteering for the Citizens of the Blind and the Cancer Society. To this day every month, she donates to her charities: The Red Cross, Human Society, Cancer Society, National Wildlife, from feeding children, Veterans of Foreign Wars, to the National Republican Party, Border Control, to keeping English as our first language. I am sure I missed a few.

Her brother Hughie went on to the steel business following in his fathers footsteps. He met Martha his wfe throughout his life and had 4 childre; Heather, Briar, Malcolm & Timmy. My mother loves to tell a story about Heather then about 3 or 4 yrs old, "Heather and I were riding in the car from Wheeling back home, Heather fell asleep in the car and after about an hour she woke up and asked me", "Auntie Charlotte, I had the greatest sleep, did you?" Throughout the years she kept the rest of us up to date what each of the four were doing and who married a republican or a democrat. Very important in this family those things are. She could really talk up a storm she called it about those things with Hughie.

She loved horseback riding, even though her mother insisted that she should give it up due to her falling. She went to high school in Wheeling, W.VA. and 2 years at Knox in Cooperstown, NY and later graduated from Katie Gibbs in NY.

deep thought.........

I've been thinking and meditating alot lately about the past and future. I know we really don't have much control over either but our attitudes and the way we really handle both. First off, took my dad to Dustins bbq yesterday after he got his shot of go juice (procrit) and he for the 1st time in years dipped a fry in ketsup and offered it to me. Now this may sound funny, but it brought back lots of memories of being a child. I remembered the 1st time he took me to McD's a walk up windo one near a beach we used to go to and how weird that was. Taking time to remember certain events is really cool because you can say goodbye to a time in your life and can also connect or reconnect you to the person your remembering. I was sad because when I was that age through my teens I did not appreciate those moments as I should but you don't know cause your a kid. It's like you want to hold on to that memory cause it's gone and doesn't exist only in your mind. That's why when you go to a funeral they call it a memorial service because you are bringing up either great things that, that person did whether it funny, sad or whatever and you take that time to cherish that period in your life. Sometimes I try to prepare myself for what's to come and it makes me want to cherish time that I have with everyone I know.

Things I don't want to forget-
My dad dancing with my friends acting silly and taking them bowling or to the mall or McD's-
Teaching me how to drive a car and a school bus (in my 30's) when I failed my test the 1st time my dad went and yelled at the test lady and said "you need to take my license because I taught her!" the part I failed was not correctly stopping at a stop sign or rolling stop-he also taught me how to rid a motorcycle (although I couldn't stop it- We went to the mall and got our motorcycle licenses together-he taught me how to ride a bike and a skateboard-Mow a lawn and all the rest-
He also taught me to forgive on a daily basis, this was through his actions, he taught me how to give to anyone who needed it, people deserve 2nd chances, he also never forgot-like the time I shot him in the butt with a bb gun at his twin sisters farm when I was 12 or 13-His twin sister Marion was the coolest aunt she always sang to me "close to you" by the Carpenters, she took me to a flea market and bought me a bugs bunny radio-
My dad knew I was dating a 19 yr old (I was 15 or 16) and this guy would only call me on Wednesdays to take me out Friday or Saturday and that consisted of taking me to his place where he kept a picture of his girlfriend on his night stand and one day this guy show up (I swear I heard his motorcycle) and my dad waits for him outside and takes a gun out of his jacket and tells him never to call or come back-something to the affect you upset my daughter you upset me and I never knew this happened till about 10 years later.

The future is the pain really of the unknown and how we are going to react to it. To be continued........................

hey there! it's me sanity!

yeah I look over my shoulder and behind me trying to catch up is my sanity. Unfortunately I am running too fast and not paying attention. What me pay attention? It costs too much I say! On I go forward living day to day not looking back, I am a freight train with no destination just forward. There could be a warning sign in the road up ahead, but I won't have time to look because I'm moving way too fast to see it. My husband whom I could not do this without is grasping at the walls as we go by and trying to grab them to slow down and make sure we don't miss our turn and loose our way. I get mad and say I don't have time for this I have to keep going don't stop me or I might end up like Wilecoyote and fall off the cliff! But if I keep going full speed I have a chance to make it to the other side without falling between the two mountains!
I feel very sad today to have done this to my husband, while he pushed me into this thing I battled with thoughts of nursing homes and caretakers and he thought of us doing our part. We thought this would be short term, my dad would get better we could fix up their house and they could live there. Yeah right! My father had some kind of age related illness before he went to have his hip surgery. It was my fault this all happend. Need to slow down and take care of things. Sometimes when your husband says things out of pain (to him/her) it wakes you up to the fact of what you aren't doing. I know I do alot and he knows that, but it's funny what you don't notice happening around you right in front of your face. I am so blessed to have him as my husband, some things really matter more than others and it is our responsibility to make sure we see the signs and follow OUR directions not others. But at the same time if we are moving too fast we deserve that speeding ticket and should listen to some advice along the way. Atleast we should consider the advice and ponder it a while not just shut it down so quickly and see whats behind it. Thank God I have someone who helps me see behind the advice and lets me ask for directions even when I'm speeding.

crappy happy day!

sometimes you just can't help but speaking before you think and last night it proves I have such a long way to go. In talking with friends, one is a police officer "Jordan" and tells me Josh just needs to slow it down and just lay off the gas under the over 95 over pass. Well I say just fucking pull him over and tell 'em! Right in front of his daughter, wife, stepdaughter, my stepson, husband and brother in law! Talk about listening first and listening to your mind before speaking? Was I in the present or did I jump ahead and not eve pay attention to my listeners? Boy what a lesson, a few minutes later when the adults were talking I apologized to Gabby, Jordan's daughter who said, "don't worry, I forgive you!" So today I take time to learn how to talk and act or react to my surroundings and people for that matter. I also re-read a neat quote, it reads:ATTITUDE

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successess, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes."

~Charles Swindoll

another-"New Response
If you can see and accept that you create your own stress according to how you are responding, you will then see that there is something you need to unlearn as well as learn. The old response needs to be unlearned, and a new response needs to be learned."
from: http://www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk/

Does your reaction have anything to do with YOUR agenda of expectations?

The Buddhist teacher said "Accept EVERYTHING which appears, with joy" - as it is, not wanting events or people to be different than they are.

Another Buddhist teaching for how to react: "Simply wish for others to be happy", and leave it at that (don't participate in the drama)

helpful teachings:
http://www.dalailama.com/page.17.htm

So todays job or learning mission is to wait and think a little more.

hmmmm................

consciousness the word has a lot of meaning- being aware of your actions before they happen or as they are happening, could you be conscious of your actions before they happen? You can. Choices there are lots you can choose to be happier, healthier, positive, active, compassionate, caring, loving, stronger and an OUTSTANDING HUMAN BEING? YES YOU CAN! Looking at things, objects, relationships, actions, myself in a different light, like on the Seinfeld episode where Jerry is dating a woman who looks different in darker light the same can be said for everything. You could look at things as bad, depressing, negatively draining and I believe get yourself sick physically or even mentally. But what if you challenged your way of thinking and looked at negative actions, words or happenings as a test or a lesson of some kind? What if every negative thing you challenged in the same light? Would you just be a nut and go crazy or would you begin to see more positive in your life and less negative? I often think about how my parents raised me and used to get frustrated because I was raised to believe through my parents upbringing that life was a bed of roses, death was sad, ignore it, go shopping instead of feeling blue, you must be constipated if your being nasty, marriage is forever and bliss. But now I realize that being sheltered wasn't so bad because now I know the meaning behind their actions. It was, life is what you make of it and a bed of roses can be what makes you happy even if for someone else it's not. Death is sad but you can't ignore it you can give it it's own place and deal with it alone because you came into this world alone and leave it alone you shall too. And feeling blue? Go shopping! It's conditioning yourself to get up off your depressed ass and do something conducive to your family! Being nasty, ignoring the action or words of your loved ones because at the center of the true self you are pure and a worthy human being! Marriage it's work, but sometimes you find someone who works along with you and sometimes you don't. So ask me if my parents were to blame for "things" that happened in my life or my outlook? I will tell you yes in a very, very, good way!

outstanding

Anthony Robbins says that if you want excellent results in your life you need to put forth outstanding effort. Good effort, poor results, excellent efforts, poor results. But just pushing forward to over the top then you get excellence. In meditating today on this subject I found out you can make choices that effect these outcomes. For example: When I wake up I can choose to start my day off with a positive attitude and then confirm this with meditating. And I can take it a step further by meditating on these choices. I 2 minutes I will be walking into dad's room and pick up his depends that he threw on the floor along with any clothing or bedding that might have gotten wet in the night, empty his commode, open his blinds and carry out this morning activity with cleaning him up and getting him his breakfast. But imagine if you will you are standing in front of his room and decide to be outstanding in every way towards him attitude wise as well as conversation, and actions included. I've done this in the past if I was having a bad day and didn't want him to be on the receiving end of my projections of negativity. I have learned this week that just because you have an altercation or something pisses you off you don't have to pass it on to someone else and this new finding with me is very neat because I find negativity is very catchy just like a cold you don't want to catch but somehow do. Going beyond the positive attitude and not faltering is the step I am in right now. Being able to look adversity in the eye and not letting it consume me, outrage me or effect the bigger picture. Later I'll let you know how I do, I am going to do this later also when I make food choices how much you want to bet me that it will be harder!

your parents

Parents are funny, they think that you'll always stay the same. It's really funny when you have a disagreement with one that thinks that it's ok to hang an empty valentines candy box on the wall. It's also funny when one steps in their own poop (by mistake) and attempts to walk across the room and take it with them. It's also funny when your mother thinks she got an irritation "down there" from you sitiing on her toilet. That was really weird! All you can do is laugh it off and see humor in something every day.

Valentines Day

Wow 3rd Valentines Day with my parents living in the same house, weird but fun! Dad has been so excited about this day that 2 weeks ago he was acting a little said but wanted to go and get a card for mom. Ron and I took him to Walgreens and let him find a card and when we were done he said, "Ya know, we are about 1/2 way to Dustins?" so Ron and I looked at each other and said ok! So off we went he had chicken and enjoyed it very much, he even said it was the best steak he ever had! So yesterday he thought it was Valentines day and wanted to give my mom her card, he was all excited and tried to go in her room when she was sleeping and give it to her but my mom said ok you can leave now and then said thank you. He woke up from his nap that evening and again wanted to give it to her, but she reminded it to him again. Finally 8:10 am the motion sensor goes off and it's dad at the table looking for his card for mom, so I found it and gave it to him.
It's funny because he didn't sleep all night last night because he was worried he would forget about Valentines Day. After I gave him his breakfast he laid down and took a nap and got up when mom got up just to give her the card and candy. Now that's love. I made him promise to remind him when there is a holiday so he doesn't miss it, but somehow I don't believe he will let me.

Happy Freakin New Year

The new year has started off to a great start for me! I got rid of my chest cold and hives and about 2 days before the new year went and did my lab work. Blood levels all out of wack, doctor asked if I was taking my Tricor and I told her yes. Went to the OBGYN and I most likely need to have a partial hysterectomy done in May. Found out I can't take aspirin, tylenol or advil so she wants me to stay away from sick people? So off to my old diet of whole wheat everything, no fat, sugar or anything white! And exercise starts again tomorrow, I'm excited. I should be because most people want to make changes the start of a new year anyway so why not? I am attempting to make this into a positive thing even though I feel like I am going through detox right now with sugar and junk. So yes I'm mad but a little excited about the changes I've needed to make.

For a fun note, today I also had to take mom and dad to the doctor (fun, fun) they both checked out good but my dad wants to jump my mom's bones. He thinks he's ready! OMG isn't that a hoot! It's great because he's 82 and still wants to, I told them I would drop them off at a hotel and said not to call me if they get stuck in any uncompromising positions. Call the fire department I told them not me!

Parents are cool as shit!

Peace out!