the little yellow pill :0)

My dad has been acting a little on the aggressive side this past and we thought it was the disease which it prob. is. He has been quite rough on me the physical stuff the cussing and name calling I let 90% roll off my shoulders. Well when I have a prob. with him it usually runs me to the garden or a a mile of stomping. But it's hard when the verbal crap is towards the rest of the family I tend to try to "fix" to correct my dad in a positive way. Usually remind him to be nice, that we should keep stuff to ourselves and that it's not kind to call people names. So this whole thing is building up and the day I take dad to pick up lunch, Ron comes out to help and dad starts calling him really not nice names so I ask Ron to take lunch in I will bring dad. So dad is now attempting to walk up the walkway and his legs give out, Ron comes over picks him up and brings him in the house. A couple of days later, again Ron comes out to help and the names are flowing again. I tell Ron to tell my mom about it, Mom blasts dad this doesn't help either. Our caretaker girl Gail comes and I vent and she explains it's not his fault, etc. The night is kind of the same, the next day I try a different approach. When Gail comes, I tell him and her his lunch is on the counter and I notice Gail and him speaking to each other. He's complaining about me (not to mention he told me and Ron to get the f out of his house)and I interrupt and tell dad you know you never know how long we all have today I could get hit by something or anything can happen! So I suggest that we all have a clean slate today and that we are all clean and are starting over. He kind of goes along with it, with some prompting from Gail. So we leave come back and Gail says he tried to pay for lunch and she explained it was from me. See, I told him the day before he was getting soup for lunch because he was so nasty. So he thanked me for the lunch and I brought him out for dinner and to sit with mom. So mom gave him a little talking to and I took a stomping walk with Daisy. Ron happened to have to go upstairs and notices dad creeping back in his wheelchair so he asks him if he needs something. He actually let Ron take him to the bathroom without a fight!
Dad tells me that night that he's sorry for being so hard on me and didn't mean to hurt me, he was upset about how he is. So we made up and start over and hope for the best and I realize that you can't use adult tactics on dementia patients.

Today he wakes up with a sparkle in his eye and mentions he would like to go somewhere nice for lunch. We beat mom to the dinning room at 8:30 and I tell dad to say something nice to mom. He says, "Momma, I think your ready for making love!" Mom replies, "We haven't in 2 or 3 years!" I asked them both if I need to get the do not disturb sign and the blue pills? Dad said their yellow pills and their called Viagra!

Boy do they crack me up!

happiness........................ what the?

Happiness is where you find it, you can find it in gardening as I do or in a nice view of the beach or company of your soul mate (husband). Happiness is every where you wish to find it. Today our "Gail" came at 12-4 shift, (thank God) Ron and I went and took a drive and ate lunch (fish sandwiches)then we sat at one of the parks next to the river and just talked. I am calmer when we have help in the house with my husband because I'm not being the caregiver to anyone except us. Even yesterday's trip to the doctor for Ron was ok because I didn't have to think. When we go out and eat we toast to our "Gail" because she really is worth it to us. Just knowing things are taken care of and you can be away for a few hours without thinking is very nice.
What is happiness to me? Just off the top of my head...............
spending a few minutes cuddling with my husband
watching my son blow out his 20th birthday candles and getting a hug from him
seeing my daughter turn into a young lady, raising a daughter alone and watching her mom fight to make things right for her (me and her both)
teaching my children right from wrong even though they are 20 and 23 and my step son Blake giving him lectures about life with his dad and hoping they all listen to a portion of what we say
Giving my mom a hug for some stupid thing we laugh at together
petting my dog daisy
fighting with my dad, even though he has this mental disease that sucks royally not knowing what will happen next or what he will say to anyone and still loving him unconditionally and not really knowing why sometimes
I guess all the things that I find truthfully frustrating on a daily basis I find happiness in them and I don't have a clue why..............

finding "me" & "us" time

Took dad to lab this past Wednesday the 20th, ahead of that he walked all morning took a nap and woke up telling me to get the "girls" at the lab chocolate! That is something wild because for the past 6 months he hasn't given 2 hoots about getting them something. So we left for the lab around 12, stopped at Walgreens got the chocolate and this guy walked into the lab with his walker and out to and from the car! He hasn't done that in almost a year!

Thursday I called to find out if he needed his procrit shot. I assumed he would need one since he didn't get one on 5/30/07 so now we are prob. about a month out on his shot and pretty confident he will need one since his lab for the end of May was 11.4. I called at 9:00am, Linda answers the phone and says she will c/b to my surprise his blood count is now a 12.6! 13 is excellent for a man his age or younger, I am shocked and now realizing that his body is definitely doing something!

This is now Saturday, it has been a long week I am tired and trying to find time alone and alone with my husband. This guy my dad is taking a lot but giving me hope at the same time. The human will is impossible to defeat if you will positively. Once again, I thank God for everything in my life.

One last thing, we were getting ready to pick up lunch today and I placed his shoes next to his wheelchair to put on for him a few minutes later. I walk away for a few minutes and this guy starts to put his shoes on by himself! He hasn't done this in over a year!

Finding a caregiver................

You would think it would be like finding a babysitter, I guess it just depends on what your standards are. Maybe everyone is just as sick as I am too. I've gotten estimates before on odd jobs,a roof for the house, but never a caregiver for my dad. That was interesting to say the least. I had 3 "salesperson" come to the house to interview them about their company, all of which either offered too high of a price or no workers compensation or not a lot of money. I had one company person tell me her ex-husband was in the Marines for almost 30 years and would prob. love to do it. So I called him and he would come 2-3x's a week for like 3 hours a day. He was my dads buddy, as they talked about the military and the past. They also played cards and went outside from time to time, 6 months later we didn't hear from him that often. We just assumed he had other things he was busy with. Maybe it was because I was looking into an agency again to get more hours and to fill in when he couldn't. Regardless, I decided on one agency and they sent their only cna which she did some cleaning as well as him and attended to his needs. The girl they sent had a vacation coming and they weren't able to get a substitute, finally a week later they sent someone else after the first one quit. She was nice and a very nice cleaner but couldn't lift my dad off the bed. Each time my dad needed to be lifted she would get my son in his room. Since we paid 2 weeks in advance we gave the agency notice. In the meantime I interviewed another 2 companies and one couldn't help because they weren't licensed to lift my dad and so we settled on the other one. We are very happy with this agency because I feel like I have developed a good relationship as a customer with them. The 1st person they sent was ok except for the fact she used my laptop which I would've let her use it except she didn't ask. The agency asked if she went to any porn sites? Regardless, we got lucky finally with this one girl who when I asked if she wanted to go and sit on the couch and watch tv she replied, "how can I hear your dad then?' I was shocked we had, had like 5 different people in here and all except her watched tv and either fell asleep or whatever on the couch. She also cleaned and always does more than what I ask of her, above all she treats my father like a human being and that amazes me!

NEWS FLASH!

Dad walked out to have breakfast in the dinning room today (I let him wheel himself back) and then he reminded me that we were going to the lab today and we had to get the girls some chocolate because he remembers they asked him last time. I wheeled him to the car and he walked from the car to get his labs done and walked back (with the walker. Annie the phlebotomist was amazed and hadn't seen him walk in almost a year! I hope this continues, but I also hope he doesn't hurt himself.........

I must sound like a pathetic worry wort! It's just that this sudden spurt of life from him has been so great for the last week, I will really miss it when it goes away. I hate times like this, he worries the crap out of me, drives me up and down a wall for most of the day, then I feel bad when I think when it will go away.

Life......the only thing you can depend on is change.

arisept

Last night my dad and I played cards for about 35 minutes, what is unusual is that he was actually able to play and deal and make sense of what he was doing. If you would have tried a few weeks ago, you would have had a fight on your hands. Yesterday didn't start out so good we ate, went down for a nap and then I heard my mom yelling at him to be quiet around 11ish. I went to his room to find him in the doorway with his walker, upset as all hell because he couldn't make it to the bathroom. Well since he made it up half a flight of stairs the night before, and made it out of bed without my assistance, I figured I would give it a go to see if he could make it into the bathtub. Now you have to understand he hasn't had an actual bath in over 6 months and for him to maneuver himself to get into the tub is quite an achievement. He even got his hair washed too! After assisting him with dressing, we took a drive to the attorney's office which is next to my old job. I called the attorneys office and had them meet me in the parking lot and I also called my old buddy Renee to give her a hug and another buddy Ericka was there too! I had them send apologies to the others for not being able to come in, I probably looked like crap because I spent the night before sleeping next to dads bed. Dad remembered Renee and told her he would flirt with her but he had an illness. We ate lunch on the way home because he was famished and then he took his nap. When he woke up I had him walk all the way from his room to the living room to sit with mom. After eating he was a little anxious, but he managed to slip by mom again with his walker up the tile step, down the tile step and all the way to his room on his commode which was where I found him. I kinda go a little mad with mom because she thought I was with him and wasn't. Oh well, at least he didn't hurt himself. I dreamed all night long I would find him on the stairs again or outside or in the kitchen cooking or burning something so at 5 I checked on him and he was sawing wood.
I bet he worried like that when I was young.............

the new medication

Talk about scared speechless, imagine your father not walking for the past year and all of a sudden you start to walk down the 12 step stairway and you see your father half way up the stairway! What do you do? Well you try to not panic, and attempt to stabilize and then call for help without scaring the shit out of him. Ron decided he should just walk up the stairs and take a break then figure it out, how to get him back down. Shocked doesn't explain the feeling I had at that moment. Had he fallen backwards he would've hit his head or broken his neck on the tile at the bottom of stairs. Ron made up the air bed for me to sleep next to his bed, he slept from 10-4am and stayed up since. He attempted to bust out of jail by taking down the rail, a constant reminder from me to stretch your legs out and lets get some sleep till I got up at 7am. Reassessing the entire plan is probably going to be a good idea sometime this week.

Ron and I have noticed he seems to be coming out of his dementia for the time being. Like night and day, the arisept, it's shocking.

crazier things have happened!

I woke up this morning with the sounds of help and my name being called, I ran down the stairs to find my dad on the floor. Again, I get Ron to help get him up (sometimes it's Josh) and clean him up and the day begins. This day was a little different, dad tells me that he went to mom's room to check on her at 4:00 in the morning because we were getting invaded by Afghanistan and those guys are tough, they could cut your throat! So he goes to my mom's room and yeah dad I believe you, sure! Mom happens to be up a little while after, so I ask her how she slept and she asks, "Did he tell you he came into my room at 4:00 am?" I said uh yeah, then she tells me how he turns on the light scares her half to death and then walks over to her bed and sits at the end! She made him go back to his room (he is naked, hah) and he requires a little push getting up, she walks him back to his room even though he doesn't think he can make it. She even helped put his pants on (minus the depends)all I can say is wow, because this guy can walk past 6 feet without complaining the whole way!

The following day the same, help and my name being called, except this time his arm is wedged between the bed and the rails that keep him from falling out! Again, I call Ron as he pushes the mattress (which I didn't think of) and safely get's his arm out. I attempt to have him hold ice on it which is harder than I thought, 2 cut's out of that one. Poor thing, boy was he mad!

judgement calls

Dad has been coughing for almost a week so far, at least it is productive. The doctor gave me zpac just in case it got worse, which I think it has. He is getting grumpier and coughing most of the night so 2 days into the antibiotic he is better, good call I am hoping. Now he has been put on another different alzheimers medication besides the namenda begins with an "a", a little more confusion so far and I am not too sure what to do. All I can do is wait and see if he changes at all for the good or bad. Yesterday he was up calling me at 5am, Ron usually doesn't tell me till he figures out what he is doing so he doesn't have to wake me up. I get up and dressed go down and he is kneeling beside his bed "attempting" to stand, which I don't want him to hurt himself, but he is trying. His depends off, bed is soaked, shirt soaked and I'm looking at his backside. I get Ron, I clean him up, and give him breakfast and attempt to keep him up till 8:30. I am not sure who or what this is helping, but I sure don't want to get his schedule set to that time! To make matters worse, the ac is iced over, my husband is building an attic ladder so he can get to the ac and the upstairs is a mess because of it. Ron worked on this 6hours the day before and 4 hours today, what fun. I call Amber and tell her about it inform her we are spending the night at her apt. and she can stay in 87 degrees tonite. She says ok but I was just kidding, it was nice of her to mean it though. I really am blessed that I have such a great team. When I started this the first year I would do everything myself, thanks to a couple of people making me see that you can't do all of it alone or you will burn out quicker than anything. Vacations are a must, dreams are a must, exercise and time alone too doesn't hurt. You have to take care of yourself better than you ever did before because you can't call in sick or play hooky. Agencies get paid lot's of money for an excellent service they provide (some of them at least) and at $18.50 you can't always afford round the clock care. So I really budget my agency to when I want to go out or want to work on mom and dad's house which isn't often but going to the movies again or dinner is not time taken for granted.

Never a dull day

June 6, 2007
Most days dad can not get to a sitting position nor can he walk more than a few steps without falling. I left my alarm clock (cell phone) downstairs in just being lazy last night, got up at 8ish this morning came down the steps and to my shock and I mean shock, my father is in his wheelchair buckassed naked! Amazed, I ask him how the hell he got in his chair? Regardless the answer which is obvious, he said he had to pee, figured out the bars on the side of his bed, got up to a sitting position, walked a few steps to his wheelchair (naked) sat down, changed his shirt (correctly), put his wet shirt in the hamper and wheeled himself out the door to the dinning room!
It's lunchtime and I sit watching my dad and think to myself, "the more you do, the more you take away". I try and inspire and motivate and help but helping should be a synonym for hinder as I struggle with both. I am a daughter, mother and wife, with each comes different responsibilities and lessons. The daughter part is very confusing at times because they are still my parents and to take on a different role is not always fun. What I have realized you don't have to like the cards your dealt you just have to DEAL with it!
Getting back to Mr. Houdini, I will have to make a call to the police department, a gentleman started a program for people with alzheimer's bracelets with a bar code or something on it that will have all of the person's information on it should they become lost and someone finds them.