hey there! it's me sanity!

yeah I look over my shoulder and behind me trying to catch up is my sanity. Unfortunately I am running too fast and not paying attention. What me pay attention? It costs too much I say! On I go forward living day to day not looking back, I am a freight train with no destination just forward. There could be a warning sign in the road up ahead, but I won't have time to look because I'm moving way too fast to see it. My husband whom I could not do this without is grasping at the walls as we go by and trying to grab them to slow down and make sure we don't miss our turn and loose our way. I get mad and say I don't have time for this I have to keep going don't stop me or I might end up like Wilecoyote and fall off the cliff! But if I keep going full speed I have a chance to make it to the other side without falling between the two mountains!
I feel very sad today to have done this to my husband, while he pushed me into this thing I battled with thoughts of nursing homes and caretakers and he thought of us doing our part. We thought this would be short term, my dad would get better we could fix up their house and they could live there. Yeah right! My father had some kind of age related illness before he went to have his hip surgery. It was my fault this all happend. Need to slow down and take care of things. Sometimes when your husband says things out of pain (to him/her) it wakes you up to the fact of what you aren't doing. I know I do alot and he knows that, but it's funny what you don't notice happening around you right in front of your face. I am so blessed to have him as my husband, some things really matter more than others and it is our responsibility to make sure we see the signs and follow OUR directions not others. But at the same time if we are moving too fast we deserve that speeding ticket and should listen to some advice along the way. Atleast we should consider the advice and ponder it a while not just shut it down so quickly and see whats behind it. Thank God I have someone who helps me see behind the advice and lets me ask for directions even when I'm speeding.

crappy happy day!

sometimes you just can't help but speaking before you think and last night it proves I have such a long way to go. In talking with friends, one is a police officer "Jordan" and tells me Josh just needs to slow it down and just lay off the gas under the over 95 over pass. Well I say just fucking pull him over and tell 'em! Right in front of his daughter, wife, stepdaughter, my stepson, husband and brother in law! Talk about listening first and listening to your mind before speaking? Was I in the present or did I jump ahead and not eve pay attention to my listeners? Boy what a lesson, a few minutes later when the adults were talking I apologized to Gabby, Jordan's daughter who said, "don't worry, I forgive you!" So today I take time to learn how to talk and act or react to my surroundings and people for that matter. I also re-read a neat quote, it reads:ATTITUDE

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successess, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes."

~Charles Swindoll

another-"New Response
If you can see and accept that you create your own stress according to how you are responding, you will then see that there is something you need to unlearn as well as learn. The old response needs to be unlearned, and a new response needs to be learned."
from: http://www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk/

Does your reaction have anything to do with YOUR agenda of expectations?

The Buddhist teacher said "Accept EVERYTHING which appears, with joy" - as it is, not wanting events or people to be different than they are.

Another Buddhist teaching for how to react: "Simply wish for others to be happy", and leave it at that (don't participate in the drama)

helpful teachings:
http://www.dalailama.com/page.17.htm

So todays job or learning mission is to wait and think a little more.