Paperwork and Advocacy

I've been away for awhile, determined like never before.  My husbands exwife has been battling stage 4 colon cancer since May 2010.  For 4 1/2 years I've seen her fight, I've shared tears and attempted to help whenever I can.  She's lost 60 lbs this year, she's on malinol (sp) which is a chemical mimicked to increase appetite from cannabis.  She has been prescribed this for the past year with dizziness so hasn't really taken it, but she is also prescribe morphine and pain killers which she does take.  In the past month this is the second time admitted, first they had her on dilauded which made her aggressive
now just the malinol, morphine and pain killers.  She's as the doctors say loopy, GOD forbid they say confused because then they wouldn't be able to have her agree to treatment with out a health care proxy.  What I am telling anyone who reads this is that you must have a voice for you or your loved one who is heard loud and clear, an advocate.  I can not tell you how important this is, she's been in the hospital 8 days now with no physical therapy, but now they want to in a few days send her to a rehab facility.  Frustrating.  In speaking to one of her doctors he was kinda shocked they didn't start that either, so in his notes it went.  So your going to suggest this but your not going to start it ?  I questioned the doctor in regards to the malinol making her loopy, they would rather her be loopy than
combative which she was on Saturday towards her children  now ages 17 & 21.  I call the case worker at the hospital get the brush off because I am stepmom, regardless if I try to advocate for her.  I mention to the nurse to get her out of bed and into a chair, nope but they try.  Her father and stepmom just sit and wait and let the doctors and staff make decisions and do not know any better than to leave it up to them.  The father is quite sad as we all are, but it's his daughter and he doesn't want to see her in pain no matter how "loopy" she is.  She doesn't call her kids and doesn't even know her daughter is out on summer break, this is not like her. This is not loopy this is confused.  I know I was never in control, but damn it I hurt because I am the new wife of her ex and that is how I am looked at.  No power of attny, no will and all we do is wait.
REASONS FOR HAVING PROPER PAPERWORK IN PLACE AHEAD OF TIME AND WHY A FAMILY ADVOCATE IS ALWAYS NEEDED
family member incoherent and can't make decisions on his/her behalf
the hospital will send them to a facility with the first available bed and it's most likely SHIT
the hospital may sit on their asses while your family member gets worse unless you know how they usually act
they won't make sure they are bathed or fed~ I can't tell you how many times in a nursing home or hospital my dad was neither
bills can't be paid financial decisions, etc