hmmmm................

consciousness the word has a lot of meaning- being aware of your actions before they happen or as they are happening, could you be conscious of your actions before they happen? You can. Choices there are lots you can choose to be happier, healthier, positive, active, compassionate, caring, loving, stronger and an OUTSTANDING HUMAN BEING? YES YOU CAN! Looking at things, objects, relationships, actions, myself in a different light, like on the Seinfeld episode where Jerry is dating a woman who looks different in darker light the same can be said for everything. You could look at things as bad, depressing, negatively draining and I believe get yourself sick physically or even mentally. But what if you challenged your way of thinking and looked at negative actions, words or happenings as a test or a lesson of some kind? What if every negative thing you challenged in the same light? Would you just be a nut and go crazy or would you begin to see more positive in your life and less negative? I often think about how my parents raised me and used to get frustrated because I was raised to believe through my parents upbringing that life was a bed of roses, death was sad, ignore it, go shopping instead of feeling blue, you must be constipated if your being nasty, marriage is forever and bliss. But now I realize that being sheltered wasn't so bad because now I know the meaning behind their actions. It was, life is what you make of it and a bed of roses can be what makes you happy even if for someone else it's not. Death is sad but you can't ignore it you can give it it's own place and deal with it alone because you came into this world alone and leave it alone you shall too. And feeling blue? Go shopping! It's conditioning yourself to get up off your depressed ass and do something conducive to your family! Being nasty, ignoring the action or words of your loved ones because at the center of the true self you are pure and a worthy human being! Marriage it's work, but sometimes you find someone who works along with you and sometimes you don't. So ask me if my parents were to blame for "things" that happened in my life or my outlook? I will tell you yes in a very, very, good way!

outstanding

Anthony Robbins says that if you want excellent results in your life you need to put forth outstanding effort. Good effort, poor results, excellent efforts, poor results. But just pushing forward to over the top then you get excellence. In meditating today on this subject I found out you can make choices that effect these outcomes. For example: When I wake up I can choose to start my day off with a positive attitude and then confirm this with meditating. And I can take it a step further by meditating on these choices. I 2 minutes I will be walking into dad's room and pick up his depends that he threw on the floor along with any clothing or bedding that might have gotten wet in the night, empty his commode, open his blinds and carry out this morning activity with cleaning him up and getting him his breakfast. But imagine if you will you are standing in front of his room and decide to be outstanding in every way towards him attitude wise as well as conversation, and actions included. I've done this in the past if I was having a bad day and didn't want him to be on the receiving end of my projections of negativity. I have learned this week that just because you have an altercation or something pisses you off you don't have to pass it on to someone else and this new finding with me is very neat because I find negativity is very catchy just like a cold you don't want to catch but somehow do. Going beyond the positive attitude and not faltering is the step I am in right now. Being able to look adversity in the eye and not letting it consume me, outrage me or effect the bigger picture. Later I'll let you know how I do, I am going to do this later also when I make food choices how much you want to bet me that it will be harder!

your parents

Parents are funny, they think that you'll always stay the same. It's really funny when you have a disagreement with one that thinks that it's ok to hang an empty valentines candy box on the wall. It's also funny when one steps in their own poop (by mistake) and attempts to walk across the room and take it with them. It's also funny when your mother thinks she got an irritation "down there" from you sitiing on her toilet. That was really weird! All you can do is laugh it off and see humor in something every day.

Valentines Day

Wow 3rd Valentines Day with my parents living in the same house, weird but fun! Dad has been so excited about this day that 2 weeks ago he was acting a little said but wanted to go and get a card for mom. Ron and I took him to Walgreens and let him find a card and when we were done he said, "Ya know, we are about 1/2 way to Dustins?" so Ron and I looked at each other and said ok! So off we went he had chicken and enjoyed it very much, he even said it was the best steak he ever had! So yesterday he thought it was Valentines day and wanted to give my mom her card, he was all excited and tried to go in her room when she was sleeping and give it to her but my mom said ok you can leave now and then said thank you. He woke up from his nap that evening and again wanted to give it to her, but she reminded it to him again. Finally 8:10 am the motion sensor goes off and it's dad at the table looking for his card for mom, so I found it and gave it to him.
It's funny because he didn't sleep all night last night because he was worried he would forget about Valentines Day. After I gave him his breakfast he laid down and took a nap and got up when mom got up just to give her the card and candy. Now that's love. I made him promise to remind him when there is a holiday so he doesn't miss it, but somehow I don't believe he will let me.

Happy Freakin New Year

The new year has started off to a great start for me! I got rid of my chest cold and hives and about 2 days before the new year went and did my lab work. Blood levels all out of wack, doctor asked if I was taking my Tricor and I told her yes. Went to the OBGYN and I most likely need to have a partial hysterectomy done in May. Found out I can't take aspirin, tylenol or advil so she wants me to stay away from sick people? So off to my old diet of whole wheat everything, no fat, sugar or anything white! And exercise starts again tomorrow, I'm excited. I should be because most people want to make changes the start of a new year anyway so why not? I am attempting to make this into a positive thing even though I feel like I am going through detox right now with sugar and junk. So yes I'm mad but a little excited about the changes I've needed to make.

For a fun note, today I also had to take mom and dad to the doctor (fun, fun) they both checked out good but my dad wants to jump my mom's bones. He thinks he's ready! OMG isn't that a hoot! It's great because he's 82 and still wants to, I told them I would drop them off at a hotel and said not to call me if they get stuck in any uncompromising positions. Call the fire department I told them not me!

Parents are cool as shit!

Peace out!

2007 coming to an end

Right now I'm listening to Mr. Marley and very relaxed it's 8:28 and soon I will get dad's breakfast ready. Well I've had to rethink my self, my actions, most of all my thoughts that I have been unsure of this year. The holiday's really did me in this year a little worse than last so that is mostly the reason for the last sentence. I've noticed I am more sure of myself which is a welcome surprise to my second guessing self. Being sick really stinks, I can't just take 5 days off and let my husband take care of me which he really does so well. He get's mad when I'm sick because he doesn't know what to do and then he worries too much. Things that have happened this year:
Dad got put on Namenda and Aresept the first one works differently not sure how but the second made the difference that I could do this for a little while more (big time) instead of playing with his feces daily he is more there! Procrit shots when his blood work falls below 10-11 ish usually a series of weekly shots for 5-6 wks $90.00 copay (20%) labs coexist with that.
Mom- what can I say it has been a very tough year for her. It's sad because she was so darn in love with my dad before and she can't see through this disease that is eating dad's brain. Each day she gets jealous of all of dads attention, she does want to get out everyday which is good at least she's not depressed.
Me- I am taking better care of me, before I came down with this virus crap a wk and a half ago I was jogging/walking 2 plus some miles every other day, so now I wait till this cough goes away and eat the best I can. Off we go!
blah, blah blah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

About "Me"

Not much to say except for the thing that I stopped riding the stationary bike for awhile and started jogging for the first time in my life. I used to hate jogging but I find it's like a little ego push that gets me going and gets me to finish. I made it past the extreme soreness in my legs (front and back of calves) and now I deal only with the shortness of breath and the dead legs from time to time. I can do 2 miles jogging most of the way and walking when I need to catch my breath so I feel some accomplishment there. I am trying to eat a little better also and drink more water.
Got to babysit my 2 and 3/4 year old Angelina Thurs-Sat and boy I could run a marathon and have more energy left than when she comes by! It's mostly because there is alot going on here now and I wish I could really do more with her. Josh applied for school (college) and da, da, da...........................Amber has been working for 2 weeks! yey!
I love my family so much, I have to admit that I am quite single minded at times meaning that I get caught up in keeping things running as smoothly as possible that I neglect certain things. My husband usually then waves the flag in my face and get's my attention to the not so obvious to me and lets me know when need to redirect. I think some wives would see this as something else but I need someone to look out for me and what's important from time to time. It's almost like a reality check but you don't have to wait till you find out the hard way, which is very cool.

I am feeling alot better about myself maybe it's because I am giving me a little more attention and at the same time I'm a little easier on me too because I have someone looking over my shoulder to help me find my way.