About "Me"

Not much to say except for the thing that I stopped riding the stationary bike for awhile and started jogging for the first time in my life. I used to hate jogging but I find it's like a little ego push that gets me going and gets me to finish. I made it past the extreme soreness in my legs (front and back of calves) and now I deal only with the shortness of breath and the dead legs from time to time. I can do 2 miles jogging most of the way and walking when I need to catch my breath so I feel some accomplishment there. I am trying to eat a little better also and drink more water.
Got to babysit my 2 and 3/4 year old Angelina Thurs-Sat and boy I could run a marathon and have more energy left than when she comes by! It's mostly because there is alot going on here now and I wish I could really do more with her. Josh applied for school (college) and da, da, da...........................Amber has been working for 2 weeks! yey!
I love my family so much, I have to admit that I am quite single minded at times meaning that I get caught up in keeping things running as smoothly as possible that I neglect certain things. My husband usually then waves the flag in my face and get's my attention to the not so obvious to me and lets me know when need to redirect. I think some wives would see this as something else but I need someone to look out for me and what's important from time to time. It's almost like a reality check but you don't have to wait till you find out the hard way, which is very cool.

I am feeling alot better about myself maybe it's because I am giving me a little more attention and at the same time I'm a little easier on me too because I have someone looking over my shoulder to help me find my way.

Saying Goodbye to my friend Paul

My friend Sharon's husband of 40 years passed away last Sunday,he was 58. I was recently reading an article of how a buddist dealt with the loss of his wife and it so happened that my husband and I had this conversation the night before he passed. My husband has taught me that each person grieves in their own way. The man in the article spoke of "bearing wittness" to the loved one who passes, by getting your feelings way out there. My husband attempted to suppress his emotions but they came to surface with avengence (much). I don't have words for Sharon, but here goes it to Paul: You brought us food at my job and didn't want a penny for yourself, you just said, "Give it to Sharon". Eventhough you were a flirt you were still a genuine nice guy. Knowing you didn't have much, you still gave to all of us just so that you could eat lunch with your favorite woman. How neat is that. This is something that us younger couples have no clue about. Trying to get me to eat Checkers eventhough I was watching my cholesteral and KFC. Sharon's favorite. You will be missed very much by those who knew you and most of all by your partner, who I know loves you very much. Love Cara

you never know...................

stress and depression

How we choose to deal with stress and depression varies from person to person. Depending on how strong the person has become and when they notice these things. Ofcourse I want to be optomistic about this and I am really trying to take better care of myself too. I am riding our stationary bike for close to 50 minutes around 9 miles. I am reading daily my self help buddism books that help me to look at why I react the way I do and to look at things a little different. I still believe in God, but I use buddism as a path to try and guide me at viewing things as positive and not to be as sad when things happen. I know the outcome of things on this planet, my parents are 82 and almost 81 and I don't want to waste time wishing I had not wasted those moments when I was emotional. Enough said, I want to laugh at all things and try and find humor in everything. Example: this just came natural last night by the way. Daisy our dog loves to go for walks like any dog. Usually when my stepson Blake comes for the weekend Daisy knows she will go on a walk with one of her boys. This weekend it rained most of the time so we didn't get to take her. My dad goes to bed early 9ish so we decided to go see a movie, so I got my sneakers and socks and headed down stairs to sit for a few minutes with mom and wait for Ron and Blake. Well Daisy runs down and sees my sneakers and thinks she is going for a walk, then she sees Ron and Blake head out the front door without her. So off we go and we return at 12 ish and boy is she happy to see us! I decided to go to bed a short while after so I got into bed, was going to read and decided to call Daisy on the bed to cuddle. I hit the bed with my hand to call her and no reply and noticed a spot on the bed. So I moved the blanket a little bit and discovered that Daisy had peed on Rons side of the bed and not just a little. I was laughing so hard, Ron didn't find it though. I think she was mad at him because he usually holds the leash when we walk or its's because we left.

What did I say about change?

Ok, back in April or so of this year we started to get letters from the homeowners insurance company. So Mom takes a look at the bill and says well this doesn't have to be paid for 30 days I'm not paying it this early. So she says she won't forget, God bless her ok in the midst of things I believe her. 2 months go down the line and now we get a letter from the mortgage company and they say we don't have any homeowners insurance. Ok, we didn't pay it so now we have to get reissued a new policy and I do what I can do to get ourselves out of this. Mortgage companies do not like it when a property they still own is not covered and I also find out they don't like talking to someone who is not on the mortgage without their copy of POA or atleast talking to the owners. So this ordeal finally takes atleast 3 more months to fix, because the insurance company has to mail the mortgage company copies of declarations page and they don't get it so then the mortgage comp. says if we don't get our copy by this date we are putting our own insurance on the house which will be double of course. Mom feels a little bad for a little while, meanwhile I'm shitting about the whole deal.

This is August, yesterday mom gives me this letter and says GMAC says I don't have any car insurance! If I had opened the mail myself I would have put it in my bill pile. I shut my mouth and called the insurance company in the am, very nice, they explain being that she didn't pay in JUNE (30 days from) she would have to reapply and get a new qoute and then be put in a high risk policy because of this mess. Well I believe that her drivers license expires next month, so I asked her last night to bring her drivers licence out to the dinning room today so I can use it to make calls about this.

OK going back to March 2006, mom decides she wants to get a new car and give me the old one and so then I gave Amber my old one which was only a 2003. So Amber is at the tag office attempting to get a tag and she needs proof of car insurance and so I have her call the insurance comp to have them fax a copy of the page and mom says oh we just add her as a driver to our policy! I call the ins comp and they say no she didn't, so my 22 year old is driving around with her baby uninsured! Oh and did I tell you she has been for 5 years! Luckily we caught this in time because she was in an accident a few months later!

I am worried about my mom now too, she is fiesty as ever but is needing some special attention now too! So now today if her drivers license does expire next month I will see if I can renew online and if not ask her when she wants to take her drivers examination. This way it will be her decision. Then I have to try and fix this mess with the leasing company.

Good Luck to me!

Taking things for granted

My dad has been quite the handfull lately, but I can assure you that I have been attempting to enjoy every minute of it. He being 82 I know he could pass at any time for any unknown reason. The funny thing is that when I tend to put this perspective on this, I don't get bothered by his name calling or behaviors. I also know he will eventually revert to his previous health somewhat in that direction even though I wish he didn't. The one thing I keep repeating is that the only thing constant is change. I used to get frusterated with the why me, but now I feel very priviliged to be a part of this whole process. I sometimes get sad wondering what or when things will happen or change but then I notice a spunkiness about him like him taking his walker and slamming it against a chair or wall or door. I swear he is such a fighter and sometimes I think he just pushes himself. Today he said boy now I can see why your husband said he needed someone else to look after you because your a handfull! Whatever works, it's like a game try everything and see what works!

Change. It's the only thing you can count on.

Today didn't start very well, depending how you look at things of course. I made the mistake of telling dad that Gail was coming at 8am, so dad thought he should start getting up at 4am. He winded up getting as he put it,"his balls stuck in the bars of the bed!" So he makes it out to the dinning room (buckassed naked with just a tshirt) and starts banging on the furniture and walls with his walker telling me to get up! Well I purposely had the alarm set for 7:30 and explained this to him at 7:15 scared and pissed at the same time. So Gail comes, I call back the oncologist office because they left me a message to call yesterday. First of all the last time he had labs I was told that his total blood count was 12.6, I even repeated it to her. A few days after that dad started the aerosept and hadn't had a procrit shot in 2 months so today his total was 9.6. Additionally, his blood count wasn't 12.6 it was 11.6 so I was mad slightly about this. I also have forgotten to give him his puple pills the omenaprozal for possible ulcer things, which I was pissed too about that. I am afraid to find out when the last time that was filled, but I refilled that script and remembering to put scripts on auto refill is a pain sometimes to when the doctor gets faxed from the pharmacy for refills. I am not perfect even though I wish I was and think I am sometimes. I hate that it really pisses me off.

In closing, yesterday dad went and got a procrit shot and to the podiatrist to get his icky toe looked at. When you have a fungus you use vinegar not epson salts because it dries you out. Dad and I stopped and got icecream on the way home and he informed me that he's ready to jump mom's bones, but he thinks he should go on a cruise with her and not do it here in this house. What a trip he is!

baby powder butt......

Mom loves Target. She hates Walmart, so because my dad now likes to go with me to pick up lunch she gets a choice either out to lunch or Target. Bet 'cha know which she picked! Mom was excited to just get out, we had a wonderful talk on the way to Target and I dropped her off in front and told her I would see her in a few. I started off in music, looked at some things and remembered I wanted to "organize"my side of the bedroom. I was in the school supply section looking at files and heard this familiar voice say, "Excuse me, but could someone tell me where the rubber bands are?" she said to one of the employees. Now mom is one isle behind me and can't see me and there are 2 female employees to my left just laughing hysterically at my mom. The male employee had much more class and didn't act like he was at a freak show. At this point I am now furious and can't help it, so I approach the closest employee and as her name and the other female. It's Nancy and Susan she tells me, I say thank you very much and walk away and I get looks like "oh shit". So I make my merry way to the customer service counter and ask to speak to the manager on duty. Her name is Donna and she is very attentive in the situation, I explain that my mom comes here weekly and loves this store and if she found out what they were doing she would be heartbroken. I explain to the manager that she might want to speak with those employees, I don't care if you make 7.50 and hour or 15.50 an hour a customer is a customer. I am finally done venting, I thank the manager for listening and go on my merry way. When I am done and we have paid for our things, I am walking behind the cutest 80 year old ever. I hope I want to shop at Target too when I'm 80. Oh and did I mention the baby powder showing through her pants? Too cute, but hey she takes care of herself in more ways than I do.